Date: Monday 26/6/23
Location: Gympie
Hares: Gympie Ironman

WOW, a very fit, sporty crowd of sports people gathered at Gympie’s Mt Pleasant Hotel for the Ironman Event. There were: Football/Soccer players representing Argentina, Manchester United; Netballers playing positions: WA, GS; Footy players representing: England, Rugby, Gympie, Qld Maroons, Highlanders; Swimmers, Martial Arts, Surfers, Life Savers, Torch Bearer and various non descript Hashers just to name a few.

Words from Ma’ Dog…

Great night at the ‘Gympie Ironman’ H3 run. Piss poor showing from NH3 but what’s new?! Well done to the 13 Noosa hardcore (real Ironman athletes) that made the effort. A pub crawl ‘up hill, down dale’ across Gympie to wet your whistles. Back to Mt Pleasant pub for the circle and good pub nosh. Really enjoyable, as Gympie H3 always makes us welcome and puts on a good night.

Well, that pretty much sums up this great sporting event that we’ve been training for months in advance! So glad for the training as there were 5 pubs that we had to conquer in 1.15 hours which we were very rushed for drinks as Dolly (Gympie GM) kept time check. At one stop Digit Digester was seen taking her drink with her to keep her hydration levels up. We received various jeers and remarks from the general public either at the pubs or on the streets about at our attire. It was a very warm evening of 22oC, even though we were warned it was going to be freezing in Gympie!

Dinner at the pub was the choice of roast pork or fish with sticky date pudding for dessert. We hope Red Knob replenished his energy when he had excess food donated to him from Holy Smoke, All Fours and Licker. Licker ordered an extra dessert just to eat the ice cream and lick all the caramel sauce off the plate! Next Week kept on winning the raffle draws but only took the bottle of red wine which was promptly drunk by Holy Smoke, Next Week and Kaffir – was better than the boxed stuff.

Thanks to Gympie H3 for the fun, frivolity and hospitality! We’ll be back, but in the meanwhile, I hope you all start training now for the next Ironman…

On On
All Fours

Run Report: Monday 19/6/23
Location: Noosa Heads
Hare: Treadie

According to the world of Google, there are a few explanations of what 2248 means:

• a puzzle game using logic and maths solving skills to match a series of numbers in a grid to reach the end figure of 2248 – combine tiles together to build up your number and steadily work towards the end figure

• in the Bible, the number 2 represents the duality of good and evil, the number 4 represents God’s creation and the earth, and the number 8 represents new beginnings and resurrection hence this angel number 2248 aligns you with the power of God and his divine will for your life or

• simply put by Lech: ‘magic accountant numbers’ 2+2=4, 4+4 = 8!

Treadie, despite living in Tewantin was determined not to set another run in Tewantin and so it was set in Noosa Heads! With 27 hashers gathered in Pinaroo Park we were entertained by a group of young Asians playing volleyball nearby. Treadie drew a plethora of chalk instructions on the concrete – good luck with the hashers taking in any instructions or even understanding them!

There was a great mix of trails from streets to lots of bush tracks through the back of houses. Lots of checks and on backs meant the walkers and runners were constantly together. We even saw Treadie walking alongside the walkers, and then the BIG confusion at a runners/walkers split/check where the runners went left and the walkers continued on. However, further up the hill the next arrows had a ‘W’ marked on the supposed runners trail! At one stage we had Lazy Prick wondering if this was going to be a 10km trail and why the visitors were always ahead of him! Treadie must’ve had too much time on her hands as she even marked an on back from a check as well as the correct trail, whereas most hashers wouldn’t bother. We knew we were heading home when we approached Pinaroo Park in the dark, but the runners still had to do a small diversion of the park first but we coincided with the walkers again!

The down downs for the week were for:

• Wet Check gave the walkers report 8/10, CL gave the runners report 7.5/10 – it was the best marked run & trail by a country mile as it kept all the walkers & runners together at all times

• Sunshine & CL from Nelson Bay visiting, Whoopie – staying with Treadie & hoping to be a resident in Noosa

• Mozzie & Haybales – acting as a loved up honeymoon couple giggling and holding hands coming out of the bush

• Unremarkable for being so demanding – he shouted in a commanding manner to Screamer “Debs, this way now!” while she was dilly dallying at the check

• Screamer – Licker thought she was a human GPS giving directions all the way, knowing every street name but Ma’ Dog didn’t think so as she lost her way earlier that morning

• Treadie for giving a zillion instructions at the start explaining everything about the trail but she failed to tell us about the RG (Regroup) sign

• Red Knob for getting lost and asking the Leyland Brothers ‘Where the f*ck are we? –we sung the appropriate Leyland song for him – if you remember the good old 1980s when things were so uncomplicated…

• Fashionistas – Insultan (wearing a yellow/black striped trakkie daks (Bruce Lee or Laa Laa Teletubbie?), Unremarkable with leggings, baggy shorts and long socks attire

• Holy Smoke – the wonderful JUNE birthday girl!

We enjoyed the huge baked spud with chili con carne, salad, sour cream & herbs for trimmings – so well organised. Thanks for the great comfort food – perfect for a cold Winter’s evening and of course the perfectly marked trail of the century Treadie!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 12/6/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Recharge & GB

A couple of days prior to the Hash, I got a phone call from GB in need of some pot! I did try to explain that I wasn’t a dealer when I realised it wasn’t that sort of pot – it was for the cooking of the curried lentil soup!

With three days of solid rain it wasn’t looking too good for these virgin hares to be setting any trail. Fortunately, the RA made sure the skies cleared up that morning but even that wasn’t good enough for the majority of those slack a*se fair weather hashers – we had a lowish turnout of 22ish hashers (a very imitate group – too bad you missed out!).

We ventured out from Recharge & GB’s abode, across a little bridge in Pine Park, joining back onto the other part of Read St and down Livingstone St. We soon reached Butler St where I had seen an arrow past my house which didn’t go nowhere. Lazy Prick had gone down to Gympie St in search for trail, whereas Kaffir was told it would go past Breathless’ house, took the correct trail down Spinnaker St. We did go past Red Knob’s house on Crank St, then through Goodwin Park to Cullinane St and Werin St. Along George & Moorindil Streets was the Calvary Nursing Home where we came across the runners and walkers split. It would’ve been just a short stroll back for the walkers, whereas the runners went on down Hay St, past On & Off’s house to the magnificent impromptu drink stop at Kaffir’s place. The next hasher’s house we past was Treadie’s then heading down Tait St, through the back of Riverlands Noosa Retirement and back home down Read St.

No name Sue (who got named shortly thereafter) gave the walkers report. She thought it was like a Goldilocks run, as it was not too long, not too short, but just right and scored it an 8.5! Kaffir scored it a 7.5, being a great little run of just over 5km with a few more nocks and crannies than his run last week for Larrikins which was a mammoth 8.5km and of course there was a great drink stop for the runners!

The down downs were:

• Long Prong for impersonating All Fours – having fallen over, he had scars that would have been on his knees but as he wore long compression socks, the scars were about 10cm down from the knees but standing next to All Fours it’s her knee height!

• Drug charges for: GB for not having any ‘pot’ available at the rave; Kaffir being the pot dealer/grower; Recharge & All Fours who were responsible for watering & looking after the pot, let the whole crop die!
• On & Off – she didn’t know what day it was and not realising it was a Hashing night was about to take the dog for a walk when Licorice Nipples reminded her. She prompted shoved the dog back inside the house and came to the hash instead!

• Treadie’s hash challenge for identifying an object made of black spongy rubber with 2 straps that clipped together. There were all sorts of kinky names and suggestions but we still don’t know what it is!

• No name Sue finally got named: ‘Be Prepared’. A few weeks ago she had a handbag that had everything inside but tonight she had a backpack that suggested that she was ‘ready for anything’, ‘has anything you want, just name it’, ‘it’s got everything in there except the kitchen sink’ and apparently you can ‘stay forever young’ by putting weights into your backpack!

The raffle was drawn by our newly named hasher and was won by Mother Trucker.

With the fabulous fire going, we feasted on some YUMMY lentil curried/aroma filled/spicy soup with warmed Turkish baked bread. But wait, there’s MORE – we had Tiramisu for dessert! Thank you so much for your hospitality, food and trail Recharge & GB – no longer virgins!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 5/6/23
Location: Coolum
Hares: Combined Sunshine Coast Hash

As we were heading south of Noosa to the outer suburbs, we thought, what bloody idiots would go out in this weather? A deluge of condensation of atmospheric water vapor that falls from the sky, due to gravitational pull, rain I mean! ???? When we gathered at the start, the ‘fair weather’ hashers were noted by their absence – wankers! The ‘die hards’ of approximately 19, supported our joint venture with Sunshine Coast H3, who numbered around 22’ish. Luckily Wonky had cunningly slipped the rugby club bosses a $50 note, so we could use their covered area and we needed it. Wrong Way was our hare for the night and preceded to inform, everyone of the great trail he’d set, including a drink stop too.

Needless to say, there was no real trail, or marks but the throng set off regardless. Into the darkness they meandered across the footy fields, to the amusement of the juniors training. That look of bewilderment on their young faces, as this long line of old farts with torches and umbrellas, chatting away, some calling and some just ambling, into the bush behind the footy fields. They must’ve thought they let out the whole retirement village on a night excursion. We followed everyone else in front of us like lambs to the slaughter! There was a lot of toing and froing in the park when Weak As saw the ‘On Home’ trail and turned back. The whole group was then divided with some going left, right, across the road and some just stationary! Eventually the group crossed back over the busy road and headed towards the drink stop. It was only then, we actually saw arrows that were pointing in the opposite direction to the drink stop! After the drink stop, we saw the actual marked trail but we were following it backwards which was much easier to see than going the right direction! It was a rather quick little run, as hashers were soon back, coming in from all directions. Some apparently totally misread Wonky’s instructions and did the run backwards but still managed to return with the rest. All Fours managed a 3.5km stroll while Slurps registered 4.2km – she must have shorter legs?

Amazingly, by the time everyone returned the precipitation had stopped and a glorious night was upon us, for how long anybody’s guess. Nibbles were organised by Hoarder & Tailend, to satisfy the mob and accompany their imbibe. We all settled in for a moment of reflection, on the run and catch up with old mates, before Licker announced the first of three courses of our sumptuous feast was ready. A heartening chickpea curry soup prepared by Licorice Nipples was served and it was a very tasty. That followed, by a chicken or lamb curry on a bed of rice – yummy! Listening to all the mutterings around, it was very well received and we felt spoilt. “But wait there’s more”, Licker served up a caramel dumpling dessert with custard. These Harriettes should be applauded for their sumptuous feast they conjured up tonight.

The circle was called by Licker and the officiating began, with a combination of Weak As, All Fours and Licker presiding. Weak As, in his element ran a well conducted Sunny Coast circle, only pausing when Licker interjected with disdain! Wonky got a well deserved down, for a magnificent trail, set in trying conditions. The ‘three amigos’ got a down for the nosh and nibblies. Other down downs were for a selection of Sunshine Coast Hashers like Sir Kimby, Pontious and a few more to mention if we could remember their names or why they were charged! All Fours finally took over, tried to get some semblance of order but gave in and cracked a few jokes re. her Asian heritage. Something about “OH NO, NOT RICE AGAIN!!” and why Asians have slanty eyes. Eventually, even Weak As ran out of puff and the circle was concluded. In the blink of an eye, everyone was gone, rushing home to see ‘Farmer wants a Wife’.

In conclusion, a top night considering the weather. I didn’t do the run obviously, due to the red wine shortage or should I say ‘bloody’ GM locked it in her car, so I had to go to Dan Murphy’s instead!

On On

Ma’ Dog

Date: Monday 29/5/23

Location: Tewantin

Hares: Mother Trucker & Kaffir

A rather select group of hashers gathered at the Wooroi Day Use Area, located opposite the Carramar Aged Care. A rather surprising location (well, to me anyhow as a relatively newcomer) in Tewantin which is essentially in the bush. Kaffir did not disappoint with runners and walkers trails and no traffic to contend with!

Initially, it was a little slow going with many checks, the walkers doing a lot of stationary checks but eventually the lovely trails lead to open spaces, going up and down and a lot of running to do. On many occasions, we had to run through Kondom and Minder taking up the whole path as they were busy chatting and walking. The pack soon petered off with the runners and walkers split. Lazy Prick led most of the way with Next Week, All Fours and Nafa lagging behind. There were the Glider, Wooroi and Powerline Tracks, which are excellent walking and mountain biking trails. We didn’t see much wildlife, apart from hashers but there were two bike riders.

All the walkers and runners seem to come in together as it was getting dark. The walkers report was given by Insultan who loved my well marked off trail of tiny arrows on little stones – there wasn’t much real estate to put marks on in the first place! The runners report was given by Next Week, who said the first bit that Mother Trucker set was perfect and the rest was shit. A great 6km run with a 96m elevation gain, in the bush and back under an hour!

Charges for the week were for:

• Ma’ Dog & chip off the old block son, Mad Cock – who claims he doesn’t swear, drink or take after his old man!
• Graham (visitor) who has hashed in different places before, saw chalk marks in Tewantin and knew it must’ve been the hash. He also lives near to a bloke called Russell aka Whinger
• Nafa, who will be going away for months, sang his own goodbye song
• Hoarder & Tailend were absent for 3 weeks travelling around the ‘STANS’ i.e. Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Pakistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan (I did have to look them up to spell them!)
• Biggles is a talented hasher who is ambidextrous – he can use two torches at the same time with his left and right hand! He claims he took two torches on the run, as one was for the visitor, when in fact he didn’t need any at all!
• Dance experts: Ma’ Dog doing the Nutbush City last weekend away while Beams was doing the Brooklyn Shuffle as he pulled a hammie and was shuffling along the trail tonight
• All Fours – when Wet Check pointed out that she put on the Hash Trash the run date was 1st June when it was only 29th May. Beams said everyone else noticed but were too polite to say anything…

As it got darker and colder, some lovely hot Ham & Pea soup with garlic bread was served! Thanks to Mother Trucker and Kaffir for this weeks hash frivolities as we were done and dusted and out of the park by 6:30pm!

On On
All Fours