Date: Monday 24/7/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Licorice Nipples & Breathless

The Religious Advisor’s Anti Rain app was definitely working today as the forecast a week ago was for a deluge of10-20mm rain. Apart from a few sprinklings earlier in the day, the trail was set and a very inviting roaring firepit was ready for the hashers! Ma’ Dog turned up as the run was starting and even forgot to pick Slurps up along the way.

Off we went down the back lane to Gympie Street with the first check on the corner of Butler Street. There was lots of stationary checking at checks but it did keep the walkers and runners together. At one particular check, Triar F being a walker was at least proactive and did try and find trail. We headed down to the Tewantin Cemetery, along to the other end of Butler Street, skirting pass the edge of Doonella Wetlands Nature Refuge, up the steps and onto Poinciana Ave. Breathless, did some sneaky little markings past the Shell servo, only to cross back over the road on the pedestrian crossing and down Moorindil Street. A little gradient on Hendry Street took us back up to Gympie Street, just as a light drizzle started. We were sorely tempted to go straight back home but decided we had better follow the trail through Goodwin ark and the pass the front gate!

The walkers report was given by Red Knob who must’ve got stage fright as he was a man of few words – nice little amble around old Tewantin, weather held up and were back in time with the runners. The runners report was given by a very animated Digit Digestor,  the complete opposite of Red Knob and gladly filled in all the gaps of the walkers report. She even scored it 10/10! Later, Insultan told me that when he was walking with Red Knob on the trail, he couldn’t shut him up! The circle was around a magical firepit where I asked if there was someone to sacrifice – Minder said there were no virgins but only spinsters. When asked if he would name a spinster to be sacrificed or drink a beer, he chose the latter.

Down downs were for:

• Breathless who found Jesus when a man came to buy his car earlier that arvo. They talked for hours on religion and after a test drive to the countryside he still didn’t buy the car!
• Miss Belinda Snoggs was house sitting for Rocky & Berocca – got blamed for throwing a huge loud party when it was Rocky’s relatives staying there one weekend
• Rocky for stepping out at the start of the run, missed the invisible step out the gate and strained a very large muscle – there were no volunteers to massage it either!
• deliveries of Grand Daughters for Next Week & Lech – congratulations!

We were then treated to a very delicious, hearty winter’s night dinner of corned beef/silverside, peas, mash, sauerkraut and gravy. There was plenty to go around, even second helpings – talk about 5loaves and 2 fish. Hallelujah Brothers and Sisters! Thank the Lord or should I say – Breathless and Licorice Nipples for their fabulous hospitality, dinner and great run!

P.S. I hope we find Jesus soon…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 17/7/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: DT & Woof Woof

Leaving home at 4 o’clock on Monday, I could only assume that our RA had done something very naughty this week as the weather looked very inclement. However, by the time we got to the start the sky had cleared. Some runners were psyching themselves up for a wet steep run through the bush but Woof Woof and DT outwitted us and within a minute of starting the motley bunch of oldies were straggling across Cooroy Noosa Road to the amusement of the passing motorists.

Two of our visitors were almost nonstarter’s – Senator from Brisbane (an ex member of the Sydney Larrikin mafia) and Lei. They were persuaded to get moving and before long Lei was striding along near the front of the pack. Around the first couple of bends we went and then were presented with a very long grassy track with the end in sight only for those with good eyesight. A few muddy patches but in general a nice long easy section and lots of blobs of flour. Around the next bend we were following chalk and flour, and it wasn’t long before we decided that the trail had been set on a bicycle because some of the checks were a bit further away than you would normally expect from the check. We needed a halfway checker to be able to ferry the sound of ON ON back to those who hung around the check waiting for instructions. Some of the arrows were very close together, just to throw us off the scent and some were quite a bit further apart. All in all, a well set trail which took some of us to places we hadn’t walked before. I gave it a 8.5/10 but Lazy Prick who gave the runners report had to outdo me and gave it 8.6/10!

Back at the bucket, there was a down down for Turtle who had a recent birthday which had almost passed unnoticed. There were a few other visitors – Metro (Coffs Harbour), Lunatic’s Aunt (Melbourne) and returnees – Ride On and Lunatic. The hares got their down downs for the usual reasons, Kaffir ended up with a toilet seat on his head for reasons that I can’t recall.  However, he’s had so many recent transgressions it could be for any or all of them. Whistleblower got one for turning up 15 minutes early for a 5 o’clock run but still managed to catch up with us before the end without shortcutting. Possum led us in song with her usual dulcet tones singing hearty renditions of the various melodies that the Hash have managed to bastardise over the past 60 years.

The nosh was lovely, a hearty winter casserole with a lot of wine and brandy involved. Second helpings for quite a few. Thanks to Woof Woof and DT for a lovely evening.

On On
Licorice Nipples

Date: Monday 10/7/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Turtle Luv & Rocky

HO HO HO! Did you know: ‘Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, la la la la and then the next line is “Don we now our gay apparel”. Well, the hashers certainly got in spirit of this festive occasion and dressed up in Christmas apparel!

We gathered out the front of the Bowlos carpark in fear of offending them (again) standing next to the sewage system which occasionally leaked certain smells. The hashers, keen to get away from the odour quickly departed down to Riverstone Court and into Wallace Park. People passing the groups of hashers in the park were giving us Christmas greetings or sniggering! Licker appeared to be one of the Front Running B**tards (FRBs) at the checks, especially around her home but didn’t find any trail. The runners and walkers split was at the back of Venture Drive with the runners passing two breweries but no beer stops!

There was a check at the Bunnings round-a-bout which All Fours marked to cross the road, whereas the actual trail should have taken a left turn. While Next Week was on the other side of the road checking trail, All Fours finally found the correct trail but couldn’t be assed to go back to correct the markings. The trail did eventually cross over to the other side of the road but that wasn’t until another two blocks or round-a-bouts at Walter Hay Drive. Crossing at the back of the Good Shepard School, the trail led us through and along Noosa Waters and out to the Noosa River. The runners then made a dash along Hilton Terrace where they just managed to catch up with Santa Longis Prongis as he was approaching the Bowlos and home around the corner! We were greeted with a roaring firepit, pretty coloured Christmas lights and mulled wine in the courtyard garden of Turtle’s.

The circle was conducted by the firepit with Long Prong giving the walkers report. He thought the trail was quite a substantial distance with most walkers short cutting home. Recharge gave the runners report as he came in last with Licker and Lech. This of course was All Fours fault for putting in the ‘false’ arrow at the check. To my defence, I didn’t think there were any more runners as they were so far behind!

Down downs were notably for Berocca & DT as they have something in common. Berocca got the ‘shits’ while DT was holding up the GM at the start of the run ‘talking shit’. While Red Knob & No Crutch were with the boys standing around fire talking secret Mens business, I dared them to put their hot poker in. Only these two fit the bill – resulting with a Red Knob & No Crutch getting his burnt off! Possum forgot her song book and was asking around the circle for songs when Digit Digester got to sing her ‘how would you like my finger?’.

The best dressed female prize went to Hairy Mickey who was a delightful green Xmas fairy, complete with stockings (they were a beauty too!). Best dressed male was Long Prong in his Santa suit. The free Xmas raffle was drawn by Mother Trucker and won by Berocca (choccies, bubbles & beer).

A fabulous Xmas spread of ham, turkey, roasted potatoes, creamy bake, glazed carrots – finishing with apple strudel, custard and ice cream was served! Apparently, Unremarkable had been slaving over a hot stove from 1pm and even lit the fire without using any white spirits. Another top Kiwi bloke was Dick Bender who was busy cleaning the barbie and dishes while Hairy Mickey was like Cinderalla – all dressed up and helping in the kitchen.

Many thanks to the hares – Rocky for laying an excellent trail and Turtle Luv for the wonderful Xmas dinner and hospitality! Fa la la la la, la la la la!!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 3/7/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Ma’ Dog & Holy Smoke

The Bureau of Meteorology had been predicting rain and lots of rain the week prior to Ma’ Dog’s run. La Niña was going to come out to party but fortunately, the RA (who’s responsible for the weather) used all her powers to ensure that Ma’ Dog’s run was going to be spared! We had double the number of hashers who rocked up this time than Ma’ Dog’s previous run – they even came with brollies and rain coats.

At last, Ma’ Dog was able to use the infamous trail he had planned months ago. Out down Blackheath, across Furness and along Gleneagle, Fairways Drives, Stableford and Linksland Streets were not just street names but quite a few golfing terminology. There were a few lovely parks, reserve, crossing creeks and even a drink stop! Lots of checks ensured that the pack kept together most of the time with runners and walkers splits too. The run was 6.07km long which took only 45 minutes and the weather remained delightfully dry!

Ma’ Dog soon got the ‘burning inferno’ going around the backyard, while Holy Smoke was flipping burgers on the barbie. We gathered around the fire pit for the circle which would’ve been quite dark but fortunately All Fours had her torch to light up the occasion. Rocky gave the walkers report – scoring 7.5/10 for a 4.5km which included a great drink stop (even though Ma’ Dog forgot an extra ingredient), while Next Week gave the runners report.

Down Downs this week were:

• The travellers: DT & Woof Woof have been ‘Everywhere Man’ up in Capentaria (at least 20 destinations rattled off), meanwhile Rocky had an eating & boozy Rick Stein European visit (again at least 20 destinations)

• Licker for blocking the driveway with her car that Ma’ Dog couldn’t get to the drink stop in time
• Kaffir for forgetting his torch on such a dark night but didn’t ask if anyone had a spare as All Fours could’ve given him not one but two spare torches
• Next Week’s birthday had special numbers. I asked Lech what it meant when Next Week is 68 years old, born in ’55 and All Fours is 55 years old and was born in ’68 – his response was lucky or just a ‘coincidence’
• All Fours being RA blessed the hashers with NO RAIN!

On a more serious note, the GM made an announcement:

Due to the increase in the price of food, we are increasing our weekly run fee to $10 which will also include a beverage (beer/wine/soft drink). This means your run fee has only gone up by $2 and drinks prices remain the same at $3 each. 

This increase will begin on 1 August 2023. There has not been a fee increase in 25 years.

You will be provided with a drinks token when you pay your run fee each week.

With the serious proceedings done, we tucked ourselves into some yummy gourmet burgers with all the trimmings of beetroot, pineapple, lettuce, pickles and various sauces. There was even vego sausages for Digit Digester! Then we washed it down with some port to finish. Thanks Ma’ Dog and Holy Smoke for the run, food, hospitality and no La Niña in sight!

On On
All Fours