Date: Monday 28/8/23
Location: Cooroy
Hares: Haybales & Mozzie

Despite a smaller, elite group of 21 hashers today, we embarked on a perilous journey through the treacherous bush and enchanting creek of Cooroy, and through the newer housing estates. Armed with naught but a sense of humour and no map, we ventured forth to explore the hidden gems of this peculiar suburban labyrinth. Buckle up, for you’re about to be regaled with tales of our escapades through the pathways through the houses, where laughter was the ultimate prize especially when you encounter wildlife or tamer creatures…

Our journey commenced at Apex Park with Next Week and Weak As leading the pack west, completely ignoring any trail markings that was not to their liking. Deciphering the cryptic signs, the hash quickly reached the drink stop. The ambling enthusiasts zig-zagged their way through hidden pathways and through the town back towards the bucket – a snappy 3.6km.

Lunatic’s walkers report about a lengthy two hour trail through the rainforest proved to be a canard. Lech let Lunatic give the report first, which made his runners report easy by adding ditto, ditto, ditto, a lovely well marked trail and all back in time to visit the loo on the way home.

Down downs were given to:

• Weak As – he did look quite zaftig at the drink stop as he complained about being out of shape, but we all know that round is a shape. Licker commented on how well the pregnant woman looked running across the park, only to discover that it was Weak As!
• Visitors/returnees: Crum & Crumpet (Sydney), Reversio Trusto (the Italian Stallion – 15 weeks in 15 beds) can now name every pizza there is and wash it down with 3 bottles of vino rosso!
• Shit Stirrer Award: All Fours – should really be the Entertainment Award for marking sightings of pussies and ducks. Doesn’t everyone just love a ginger pussycat?
• The free raffle went to Crumpet – I think there’s something about visitors always winning the free raffles! Later on, Lech asked if the raffle had been drawn – he wasn’t even standing next to Holy Smoke to be prompted!
• Dun Rootin’ – has done it again when she turned up at the hash grinning from ear to ear, even though Jungle Jim’s gone back to Sydney. Apparently, she brought a big stick so she can lure or beat her catch for the day. She was seen running after some lucky punter (or was that the other way round?)
• Next Week for noticing the run was very different tonight, perhaps it was going anti clock wise direction but last week Next Week was in Cooroy, this week and next week too. Perhaps the trail might be different next time?
• Slurps – All Fours was helping a damsel in distress by offering to give her a push from behind up the mound and the thanks that All Fours got was a clobber around the head!
• Slurps & Hoarder were busy chattering along the run while everyone was back for hours waiting – only to find out the pair went off to the loo and was way laid by chatting to another ex hasher.

This may be a piece of nugatory information, but did you know that a ginger cat brings ‘GOOD LUCK’. In contrast, ginger cats symbolise leadership, and encountering one is thought to bring good fortune in friendships, prosperity, and wealth. One of the reasons why having a ginger cat brings luck is that they protect their owners from evil spirits through their playful behaviour. So, for all those who spotted the ‘marked’ ginger pussy, you are LUCKY, so buy yourselves a lottery ticket this Saturday!

When the circle closed, we were served hot chicken, rolls and salad. Thanks to the hares Haybales and Mozzie – a short and sweet little run…

On On
All PAWS Fours

Date: Monday 21/8/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Your illustrious Noosa Hash Committee

WOW, another virgin territory run – well, it was for me anyhow! Your illustrious Noosa Hash Committee wanted to give back to our wonderful members with free ferry and free pizzas washed down with a free drink.

Hashers started to arrive from 4:30pm down at the end of Moorindil Street to catch the ferry over to the North Shore. Kaffir and Next Week took their cars, loaded with passengers across the waters and ferried them to the start of the trail. Slowly, but surely we had a core group of 27 hashers and 3 wallabies ready to go.

The trail essentially went through bush and sandy paths with lots of check that kept the entire group together that even walkers did some checks! The trail was laid with flour but most checks had to be marked with logs/branches/sticks. It was not a good idea to hang around the checks too long as I could hear mozzies circling. When we came to the crossing at Beach Road, there was Kaffir chauffeuring a late Weak As to join us for the remainder of the run. No sooner had we crossed the road, we were back into the bushland where there was a check. Weak As took off right as he said we must head towards the sun to go home. Somehow, he saw imaginary arrows and we followed him blindly like sheep (to the slaughter).The correct trail was over the gate and skirting around someone’s property and back onto the road where Kaffir was in his car waiting anxiously to point us in the right direction. Fortunately, as we hit the road it was just starting to get dark but we managed to find our way back to the ferry without being dazzled too much with the headlights of oncoming cars. The ferry came back over from the other side without any vehicles or passengers so we felt we had our own personal vessel – it was even driven by an ex Darwin Hasher!

Back on this side of the river, we were treated to Breathless’ washing machine firepit and the GM’s entrée ‘subs’ all laid out on the table. This was shortly followed by an array of pizzas and lots of red wine consumed. The circle then took place around the fire with Weak As toasting his pizzas. Weak As gave the runners report of half the trail he did. Kaffir drove him in the car to join us but he wanted to get out quickly as Kaffir was playing songs on his stereo like ‘Sexually Healing’. The walkers report was given by Turner (who hasn’t been around much lately), thought the walk was most delightful, well marked, a good distance, scenic, very different but only scored it 3/10.

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Geographically Naïve (Northern Beaches H3, Sydney), Cinderella (Posh & Northern Beaches H3, Sydney)
• Breathless & DT – both retired people trying to keep healthy & fit by buying new e-bikes. On the first day of using their e-bikes Breathless encountered a tree while DT had the concrete pavement jump out from nowhere (he also needs ribs & teeth fixing)
• Boobs & Kondom – while running past them, they said they were both elderly gentlemen – I said I saw the elderly but didn’t see the gentlemen!
• Shit Stirrer Award: Boobs – trying to hump Slurps while she was busying tidying up
• Holy Smoke for organising a fabulous day out at the Gympie Races on Saturday, but she still wants to know if the raffle has been drawn!
• Licorice Nipples for kicking the bucket which caused all the lights to go out!
• Lech & Kondom – the birthday boys are celebrating their 75th & 80th
• Miss Lucky Pants – Berocca won big time at the races after bugging Lunatic for tips as she had picked the first 3 winning races, but decided to pick Kappa Cino with odds 17 to 1 to win $$$!
• Turner – next time she returns to the hash, she must learn some manners having thrown up the ‘hot & spicy’ chilli pizza everywhere, fortunately we didn’t have to worry about cleaning up the restaurant floor or tables!

Thank you to the committee for the (mostly) free night, but no thanks to the mozzies that came out in force for that free feeding frenzy as I counted 50 bites (and still itching)…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 14/8/23
Location: Verrierdale
Hares: Whistleblower

Hurrah! A run set in the wilds of Noosa, called Eumundi Conservation Park in Verrierdale. The hare, Whistleblower was well prepared at the start handing out maps to the bucket/On Inn. She even pointed out for the geographically challenged map readers (females), which direction Dean Road was in case they headed in the wrong way.

Off we went down the Blackbutt Trail with a few checks along the way with signposts pointing to tracks 1,2,3 but still we continue along the Blackbutt Loop until we came to the runners and walkers well marked split at the intersection of Figbird Track, Geebung Circuit, Ironbark Trail. The walkers peeled off along the Figbird Track, while the runners ventured down Ironbark Trail. We then turned off to the Geebung Circuit and back onto Figbird Track to home! By the time the runners got back on their 6km run, the walkers had disappeared off in their cars to the On Inn. The hare, again being very responsible waited patiently until every hasher was back and accounted for.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a very inviting massive bonfire was awaiting despite the temperature being 26oC today! Breathless gave the walkers report, while Kaffir did the runners report. Accordingly, it was the best set run, great markings and checks (Woof Woof said you could see it from the moon!), great bush location, didn’t see another soul, no traffic, no bikes – just nature and 31 hashers!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Jungle Jim (Sydney Posh), Tex (Melbourne)
• Whistleblower & Wet Check – both are great time keepers. Wet Check’s watch is 6 mins slow, while Whistleblower got to her run on time this week for an earlier start of 4:30pm but previously thought she’d thought she arrived on time at 5pm but the run started at 4:30pm
• Lech was standing alone on his own as he must’ve farted – he tried to tell us what he’d had for lunch…
• Shit Stirrer Award: Haybales – when everyone was enjoying the lovely snacks laid out on the table, he didn’t want anyone else to have them so he decided to chuck them all over the floor and feed it to the dog instead
• Dun Rootin’ apparently got one last night – was it from Jungle Jim or was it some other unsuspecting bloke down at the pub?
• Bundy & Holy Smoke went around and around in circles for ages in the park as the pair of them have dodgy right sided hips
• Boobs was rubbing his leg furiously when Woof Woof chipped in and said it wasn’t that big. He was hoping the rubbing might make it bigger…

With such a fab fire that lit up the sky, there were still no virgins or spinsters sacrificed as Minder is yet to name one or two! We were then served hot potatoes and chili con carne cooked by Tripod (Mr Whistleblower) while the trail was set by Whistleblower and ably assisted by Woof Woof. Thanks Whistleblower and Tripod for your hospitality, food and the trail out in the wilderness!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 7/8/23
Location: Tewantin Party Central
Hares: Bundy & Boobs

The RA’s Anti Rain app was clearly working in favour of the Noosa Hash as showers were forecast for the day and most thought it might be a quick stroll with umbrellas around the block. A reasonable good turnout (for Winter) of approximately 35 hardy souls rocked up at Party Central. Boobs had lots of instructions at the start of the run which went in one ear and out the other! There was something about SH1(T) trail markings and SH2, SH3…

As we headed down the end of Cambucca Court, Digit Digestor came late screaming around the corner in her car after the run had started and she even left early. The trail led us through a few parks – Sundial and Furness Drive, over Beckmans Road and into the bushy national park along the Hovea Track. We eventually came out via the Wooroi Day Area and back into civilisation of Tewantin. Along the Cooroy Noosa Road, we wondered when we would encounter one of the ‘ST’ markings or if the hare was only messing with us just to see if anyone was paying attention. Finally, I spotted the first one before we turned down St Andrews Drive – this would still be a reasonable lengthy walk for any shortcutter. Down the final stretch, we passed the Noosa Outlook shopping centre, turning right at Niblick Street, Muirfield Crescent to loop back home (and dry).

There was a great fire to warm us and keep dry under the carport as it rained on and off during the proceedings. The walkers report was given by Miss Belinda Snoggs– a great walk that was a good distance of over 5km and even had a ‘wee stop’ with Be Prepared along the way. Lech gave the runners report – he managed to stop Rocky from shortcutting and kept Recharge company on the 6.5km journey. Notable down downs were for:

• Licker – straining a butt muscle simply by reaching for a beer in the fridge
• Minder– who claimed the Shit Stirrer Toilet Seat Award (a newly created lightweight version by Ma’ Dog). He was apparently called ‘Dick Head’ and even wore a wooden whistle around his neck that resemble exactly that!
• Visitors: Smell My Finger & 5 NIL (NZ), PP1 & PP2 (Canberra), Drover’s Dog (Treadie’s Housesitter)
• Recharge– was grateful he wasn’t ‘by himself again’ on the run as he had Rocky & Lech to hold his hand
• Bedisloe Cup (win or loss depending on who you support) – Boobs represented All Blacks and Red Knob represented Wallabies. Boobs was flying the All Blacks flag on his roof – apparently it’s been 22 years since Wallabies have won (oh dear!).

The free raffle, dinner for 2 at a Thai Restaurant was won by Ride On. He was struggling to think of who to take but I think Dun Rootin’ was very keen to be taken out for dinner! Speaking of dinner, there was a huge pot of hot stew to be had next to a roaring hot firepit which almost blackened the side of the roof of the carport (this time it wasn’t Ma’ Dog’s fault, but the owner!). Thanks to our hares – Bundy and Boobs for the great trail, food and hospitality at Party Central!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 31/7/23
Location: Noosaville
Hares: Next Week & All Fours

We gathered tonight on Sea Eagle Dr, Noosaville, in the school carpark. Many a run set from here, so lets see how our illustrious RA tackles this one.  About 30 turned up for this one, and the weather was good, no signs of precipitation. Before the off, Next Week apologised in a nugatory manner, for a few ‘pauses’ in their marking and gave a lame excuse of the Council road sweeper brushing their well laid trail away. Hence, a short trail for the walkers but no one ever complains about it being too short!

The runners had their usual 2km loop added and the walkers were instructed to do their usual thing, which meant walk, talk and shortcut back to the bucket. We set off down Sea Eagle Drive to our first check, whilst Licker, Madcock and Kaffir, with Benny & Pepper in tow, looked for trail. ‘On left’ was the call from Digit, finding it hard to contain her excitement, that she was going in the right direction for once, without Sat Nav. Then we followed the well laid walking trail, that meandered through the rainforest, for what seemed an eternity, ‘till finally an easement thrust us back into civilisation. We wandered the streets of suburbia through streets which names I fail to recall. The small bunch of walkers at the tailend were enjoying this evenings exercise and had no bloody idea where they were. Minder was doing his very best to send people in the wrong direction, as he does best.  Boobs tried to impress the harriettes, with his stiff leg but no one took the bait. DT and Woof Woof were nowhere to be seen on the run, or were they just a figment of my imagination? Eventually, we shuffled past Roobarb’s abode, not home of course, as she’s in ‘snap frozen yank’ territory ‘Newfoundland’ and we headed back to the chariots, for sustenance.

There was lot of ‘flapdoodling’ and ‘bavardage’ going on tonight, as the hash got slowly lubricated to a stare of temulency, in time for the circle. The hares of course got praised for a marvellous run and it was I guess, maybe, or maybe not depending on who you talked to, cos they’re a fickle bunch. The circle was formed and charges were in abundance and I think Recharge got more than his fair share and some even bewildered him. Boobs & Bundy for returning, after their long trek across Australia but if the truth were known they were camped in Pomona all the time ‘cos the tight bastards didn’t want to use to much petrol. ???? Breathless was charged by Licorice Nipples for doing an impersonation of a tree no less. We all know he boasts about his manhood often, so seeing his ‘woody’ would’ve been no surprise for Hash Cash. Kaffir was charged, for fucking up his own charge against Boobs by making him demonstrate his ‘stiffy’ (leg that is) by doing a lap of the circle. Kaffir admitted after his canard, that he just wanted a drink anyway. Other charges were for Madcock – a belated one, as the RA forgot last week and Be Prepared for returning. That’s all I can remember ‘cos the bloody Hash Cash stole back my piece of paper my notes were on – due to the fact, there’s no money left in the bank to buy her more and the new house she’s got was expensive to build.

The circle ended and we were given a wonderful gourmet interlude of spaghetti & meatballs – all handcrafted by Next Week and it was very tasty indeed! Great night as always for our illustrious hares, they should be thanked for doing more than their fair share. Then I f**ked off home to watch the cricket and soccer.

P.S. Matildas won 4 – 0! As for the cricket score, I think they still finishing off breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner…

On On
Ma’ Dog