Date: Monday 23/10/23
Location: Sunrise Beach
Hares: Be Prepared & Licorice Nipples (ably assisted by Miss Belinda Snogs)

Well, this week’s run certainly weeded out any WIMPS at the hash as only the hardy and elite types showed up. Too bad as it was a bl**dy great run at a great location, great food, great company, so you missed out BIG TIME!!!

The trail quickly led us into a patch of bush and we were warned that this is snake season so be wary! Through Rainbow Park and into the reserve we went, crossing over David Low Way and heading down to the beach. There were markings on the pavement WIMPS to take the road or onto the Coastal Track along the gorgeous sandy beach where all trails exit at #37. It was windy as hell, almost like dust storms in the desert (not that I’ve been in one, but you can imagine) as Licker and Lazy Prick led the fast pack. Meanwhile, Beams was motoring along in his usual ‘Ever Ready Bunny’ mode was constantly on our tails. Just after exit #37 we reached The Chalet Lookout where we were greeted with a Drink Stop and various sugary sweets and SNAKES alive! We passed many large houses, some with fabulous views of the sunset across the water, Orient Drive, Wollomia Way and into Comet Park. Following Lazy Prick through the park, we soon realised that there weren’t anymore arrows as he missed the vital HUGE arrow pointing across to a path that skirted around the side to the wide bushfire trail. This eventually led us home to Be Prepared’s abode, with a shiny new Colourbond fence, a chair and the back gate open, welcoming us home!

We gathered around the poolside in a semi odd shaped circle, with the GM and RA standing on the pool plinth. The walkers report was given by Ride On – there were huge big arrows, lots of checks, scenic, but took the ‘Wimps’ trail and not along the beach. The runners report was given by our returnee Beams, who has been absent for 3 months – a fabulous trail especially along the beach on the NOT Wimps trail with views and sunset in the distance. Long Prong was plenty please as he won the raffle, complete with his favourite beer, chocolate goodies and a replacement hash bag.

Down downs were served by Beer Wench Reverse Thrust to:

• Lazy Prick for well and truly deserving the Shit Stirrer Award, this award of all awards for being able to clear his nose on the beach without the wind blowing it onto Licker, was boasting that he was the first home, won the free drink, asked a stranger on the street if they saw any arrows and for directions!
• Screamer& Unremarkable for turning down last weeks opportunity of getting married but you would have thought they were like an old married couple for arguing and carrying on for ages on the trail
• Screamer for being the property mogul, built the original house of 7 Goldcrest Court which is now Be Prepared’s abode
• DT& Woof Woof for having moved from Tinbeerwah to Tewantin thought twice about coming to the hash tonight as they thought it was a little far to travel…
• Kaffir for not going to Salsa dance lessons tonight and choose to come hashing instead, (missed out on the better offer!) apparently Mrs Kaffir said the ‘girls’ were far too young for him! Also, he did ask what does ‘W. I. M. P. S.’ stood for that was marked on the trail
• Red Knob & Beams – Red Knob ducked into the bushes to water some plants when Beams told him to be wary of the snakes as he wasn’t sure how he would have to put a tourniquet on it or suck out the poison!
• Carrie(Digit’s ex neighbour) is our newest member! Mischievous Minty forms her email address and she has a cheeky grin, so you’d better start putting your hash naming hats on…

An awesome dinner was served – chicken skewers, roast tatties, focaccia, cauliflower bake and green salads. Oh, forgot to mention our ice cream dessert too! Thanks to the trio of harriettes – Licorice Nipples, Be Prepared and Miss Belinda Snogs for setting a fabulous trail – who cares whether there’s one arrow and not three after a check before you’re on as most hashers attention span doesn’t stretch that far anyhow. Many thanks for your hospitality Be Prepared – she did good as we didn’t sight any WIMPS tonight – it was those who didn’t come and missed out…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 16/10/23
Location: Oktoberfest Garten, Tewantin
Hares: Kaffir, Miss Belinda Snogs, Licorice Nipples

Did you know… despite the name ‘Oktoberfest’, the event actually takes place at the end of September – ‘Septemberfest’ doesn’t really have the same ring to it! Oktoberfest wasn’t originally a beer festival but to celebrate the wedding of King Louis and Queen Therese. The Noosa Hash couldn’t find anyone to get married (Screamer & Unremarkable declined), we couldn’t get our act together to organise it in September, so we decided to throw an Oktoberfest party and drink beer instead!

OMG, we had hashers coming out of the woodwork – approximately 70 people descended upon Tewantin’s Oktoberfest Garten of Bindy & Leon. Quite a few made an effort of dressing up, even wearing our newly acquired hash tshirts. We started the trail through private and virgin territory of the Wooroi Creek Bushland Reserve at the end of Bindy & Leon’s garden and over Moorindil Street to the Noosa North Shore Ferry. We skirted along the Noosa River, up a steepish bank and back onto the end of Tait Street. There were several checks and on backs that ensured the group stayed together until we reached Clarey Park for the drink stop. We were greeted by Ruba Tuba entertaining us with their oom-pah-pah music – a French Lady on the accordion and an American Man on the Sousaphone. German beer was flowing, pretzels served, even neighbours came out to take photos, amuse themselves watching us and enjoying the free entertainment in the park. We continued our journey along George Street, passing the Calvary and Noosa Nursing Home where the oldies wanted the group to parade through their premises for entertainment but were prompted stopped by the ‘Fun Police’ nurses – how dare they have FUN! Soon, we headed back along Werin Street home, passing Recharge & GB’s homestead where a rather large kangaroo with joey sat watching us – not sure who was more amused!

Meanwhile back at the Oktoberfest Garten, music was playing, drinking continued until we held our rather large circle. Fortunately, there was a microphone and PA system to introduce, complete in their regalia – King Louis and Queen Therese of Bavaria. King Louis (aka No Pants) retold the history and fun facts of Oktoberfest. The run report was given by Frau Munchin’ in German and kindly translated to English by Frau Turner.

Down downs were served by Beer Wench Berocca to:

• Noosa H3 Committee – as the GM thanked us for putting on such a wonderful event
• Rocky– got the Shit Stirrer Award for wasting p*ss at the drink stop, he was pouring precious amber liquid in the park to water the plants
• Heaps of returnees, Florence (virgin), Black Goldfish (visitor from NZ), 2 young Danish peeps (lodgers) and other visitors which I can’t remember…
• Milestone awards –  Wetcheck, Kondom and Top Down
• Boobs – for annoying the sh*t out of the RA by showering her with beer
• Kaffir, DT & Leon – der Küchenchef (German Chefs) demonstrated with hand gestures how Bratwurst was made. Sausages will never taste the same again!
• The Madam (Mrs Kaffir, Val) & Bindy – der Küchenfrau (German Kitchen Maidens). Many thanks for running around and organising everything what the men had forgotten – which was most!
• Bindy & Leon – hostess and host

On the Deutsche Speisekarte (German Menu) were:

• Starters – Bratwurst sausages, paired with mustard
• Mains – pork, sauerkraut, red pickled cabbage, German potato salad and gravy
• Dessert – a huge black forest cake with ‘HHH’ iced on top, which was quickly demolished despite the bakery saying it would feed 100!

What a night of fun and festivities – thanks hares (Kaffir, Miss Belinda Snogs, Licorice Nipples). A massive thanks to the generosity of Bindy & Leon for opening up their home to host our Oktoberfest in style! Oom-pah-pah to next year’s Oktoberfest – PROST!!!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 9/10/23
Location: Noosa Waters
Hares: Nafa & Licker

Along Shipwright Ave in the heart of Noosa Waters suburbia was a little gazebo nestled amongst the bush. What seemed like a relatively safe place to set a run turned out to be more treacherous than imagined…

The smaller pack of hashers had the hare Nafa following along to ensure we weren’t short cutting too much. There was a runners and walkers split before we crossed the busy Eenie Creek Road. At that point Roobarb with Miss Millie in tow turned back as she didn’t want to go into the bush. Once crossing the road, Whistleblower thought she would have a closer inspection of the ground, while Top Down quickly grabbed some toilet paper trail to wipe the bloodly evidence. Shortly after that, while searching for trail at a check, All Fours thought she would get on all fours having got her foot caught in the vines. The trail went through the Eenie Creek Bushland Reserve where we encountered ‘Tent City’. We didn’t actually see anyone, just tents, rubbish and some elaborate set up of solar panels. Eventually we ventured back to civilisation, around the industrial area of Production Street and past the Noosa Civic Shopping Centre. Soon we crossed the Shorehaven Park, through the Shorehaven Bushland Reserve and back home to the safety of Noosa Waters.

The runners/walkers report was given by Ma’ Dog – it was long enough trail, along with Kaffir he did some extra curriculum trail so they could have a nosey at the big road accident with helicopters circling in the air, ambos and police sirens blaring. The runners trail turned out to be 6.90km which clearly wasn’t for the faint hearted!

Down downs were given to:

• Shit Stirrer Award: The f**king GM was too busy this week that she forgot to give out this award – does that mean she deserves to wear it for 2 weeks?
• Red Knob – apparently has big balls that aren’t very well balanced which has worn out one shoe and sometimes causes him to go around in circles…
• Milestone award: Whistleblower (25 runs) – YAYYY!
• Top Down – a long lost hasher who apologised profusely for not coming to hash, so she had to reintroduce herself
• Noddy gets the long walk award having to leave home to get to the hash – something like 350m, but at least he didn’t drive the car!
• Roobarb – obviously had inside information of not going into the bush but she did offer tea tree ointment for the wounded; Whistleblower – for falling over, then quietly told us she fell over again; All Fours – only had scarred one knee and a bruised big toe sprain
• Shazza- finally a naming 40 years in the making, she is named ‘Got Off’ because she got stopped by the cops, breathalysed, thrown in the paddy wagon, taken to the copshop to sober up and taken home again in the paddy wagon.
• Blameless asked Nafa what the answer was, which we all shouted all sorts of answers –namely ‘42’. Nafa went on to explain about the ‘tent city’ of homeless people who thought Nafa was from the Police/Council trying to evict them, so they had their guard dogs out ready to pounce.

Then there was the call from the Mexican cantina to roll your own warmed Burritos, filling them with pulled pork and accompaniments served by Holy Smoke and Licker. Thanks Nafa for the treacherous trail and an insight to Tent City and muchas gracias for the catering by Señorita Licker – Olé!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 2/10/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Reverse Thai King Thrust & Bedspringer

Crowds of Pilgrims (Hashers) flocked to the Tewantin Thai Palace to worship and celebrate the King’s 68th birthday.

Reverse Thrust announced that there would be his usual style of trail set – I thought it might have been the ‘keep turning right’ set of instructions with no arrows marked. We went out through the back gate, tall grass, Read Park Bushland Reserve and crossing over to the Noosa Sports Grounds. There was a walkers and runners split early on which led the runners around the oval. Breathless was actually on the runner’s trail and was seen looking for trail in the bushes with Licker. It did eventually take us around the cemetery where some markings were a bit scarce – the hare’s excuse was that he was worried the caretaker was going to remove all traces of trail. At the end of Outlook Drive, I thought it was a council worker in his hi-vis jacket on the side of the road, but instead it was the King’s refreshment stop. As we entered into the Alec Loveday Park, Wetcheck had a mishap but was fortunate there were many able to assist – even attention from the King himself. We ran along Cranks Creek, past the Doonella Wetlands Nature Refuge, over Poinciana Ave and a lap around the oval to home.

The walkers report was given by Hoarder – a well set trail, had an enjoyable threesome on trail as she was at the ‘tailend’ with Mother Trucker in the bush. Kaffir gave the runners report as he reckoned Hoarder had forgot everything, so he gave a detailed report instead!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Bob (Turtle’s bro), Dick Bender (Turtle was to blame – again)
• Shit Stirrer Award: Licker – when Red Knob asked her if she was going to the run tonight, she replied “of course I’m going – I’m the f**king GM!” An extra charge was for being a ‘honest’ person and giving Hash Cash $40 for raiding the bucket over the weekend
• Red Knob – the fashionista sporting the summer look of wearing shorts and showing off his legs, he also gave a fashion tip: you don’t have to wax you legs if you wear tight enough jeans as the hairs will just fall off!
• milestone award: Popeye (100 runs) – it did take him 5 years to earn it…
• Digit Digester and Wet Check – nurse Digit bandaged up Wet Check when she took a tumble but we wondered who was out doing who in the accident prone department?
• Bob somehow got named ‘Bonking’ – so when one king drinks, all kings drink – Sukkon (Scottish King), RT (Thai King) & Bonking (Turtle’s newly named brother). I think Licker should have been there too as she’s known as the F**KING GM…
• Birthdays – RT, Possum, Woof Woof, Miss Belinda Snoggs, Bonking
• Woof Woof & DT – next time you take your dog for walkies, make sure you pick up after them as the trail was full of dog turd!
• Kondom – had a second erection, apparently built a shit house that looks remarkably like a pool pump house at the Thai Palace.

After announcing the ‘lucky coupon free drink’ was won by Recharge, we tucked into the sumptuous feast from Mama’s Italian kitchen followed by birthday cake! No wonder Kaffir was confused – he asked if it was a restaurant run from the Thai Palace which served Italian cuisine!

We were blessed with a public holiday, good weather and a great turnout. Many thanks for the hospitality – Your Majesty (RT) & Your Royal Highness (BS) for throwing open your palace gates for yet another excellent hash night!

On On
All Fours