Date: Monday 20/11/23
Location: Tinbeerwah
Hare: Lusharse & Minder

The ‘On & Off’ again run was definitely ON ON tonight! There were bus loads, cars and trucks of hashers all rocking up to Tinbeerwah that Minder had to stand at the gate and usher them into the carparking lot. Finally, they all managed to squeeze onto the property and find the large group sheltering in the shed from the light showers. The music was pumping, beer was flowing, the party was just getting started…

5pm on the dot, some hashers were getting agitated and were very keen to head off on the run. As we headed out the driveway, Carrie was a little late so she put her bag down inside the telephone box. Down Kingsgate Drive, along Sunrise Road, we were soon in the Wooroi Forest and bush tracks. There was no sign of wildlife, only their droppings and light drizzle which made some trails a wee bit slippy. Fortunately, Minder was sensible enough to set the trail with flour (GLUTEN FREE) and it managed to mostly stay intact in the rain. There were only 2 runners: Nafa and Toothprick who managed to find most checks with Toothprick kindly marking off the checks with his umbrella. On the map, it only appeared as a tiny little loop of the corner of the Wooroi Forest but we managed a 4.13km stroll around Tinbeerwah.

The run report was given by Miss Belinda Snogs – a great little walk through some great bush trails, a little slippy in some places, up a couple of inclines but reasonably well marked in flour despite the amount of rain we have had and it was very enjoyable.

Down downs were:

• Blameless – asked if I was the GM or the RA tonight. I said I can be anything he wants if he has the right money but he was too tight to pay anything – the cheapskate! He then sipped his down down drink slowly because it was too cold to skull it (what a wuss!)
• Tailend – leading his harem home safely, especially for the 2 geographically challenged BP & Snogs not knowing where they were last week!
• Whistleblower – showed us her right arm in a cast/bandage but it was her left arm that she hurt a month ago when she fell, so the moment she saw the bush/treacherous trail, she turned back (wise lady – fortunately, no incidents to report tonight!)
• The Milestone Award: Miss Belinda Snogs (25 runs)
• Toothprick – visitor from Boarder Hash, here for 3 weeks holiday has bought the nice weather, but we need the rain! He was at least running to keep Nafa company.
• Triar F – another ‘wimpy’ hasher when he saw the first sight of dirt he decided to turn back while everyone else was declaring that he was wearing ‘new’ shoes. Admittedly the soles were a little white on the black shoes…

Then it was dinner time with pots of chilli con carne and rice. I hope Minder didn’t have too much left overs to have for the rest of the week or two. Thanks to the hares Lusharse & Minder. The RA’s Anti-Rain App was broken this week, but it will be ‘right as rain’ for next week…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 13/11/23
Location: Tewantin
Hare: Unremarkable (is well & truly REMARKABLE!)

HOORAY! This was a REMARKABLE day when Unremarkable saved the Hash from having a hareless Monday by stepping up to set a run! Even their neighbours at #113 invited us to park across his driveway! I’ve got a feeling, that tonight’s going to be a good night…

Unremarkable gave a few directional instructions about the trail, but as soon as we stepped out onto Griffith Ave, Minder was already confused. He couldn’t quite understand whether it was left or right, even though the arrow was clearly marked RIGHT! The trail led us down Griffith Ave, Harlow Crescent, bush tracks, onto Palm Grove Crescent, crossing over Griffith Ave, more bush tracks, Carramar St, Tinaroo Pl and DRINK STOP! But alas, there were only 3 sweeties left after it had been demolished by the walkers. We decided to leave them for the remainder of the runners and the slow ones. Skirting around the Heritage Park, we were soon back onto Billabong Way, crossing Griffith Ave (again) and back home! I wonder how many people realise the significance of the street names around this area on the trail – Griffith, Cicada, Woodland, Raintree, Forest, Cedarleigh, Oakland, Fontaine, Cyprus, Palm Grove, Palmer, Carramar, Tinaroo. Can you see the woods for the trees or is that a dense question?!

The walkers report was given by Boobs – thought the markings were a little sparse and spread over long distances, a short 3ish km wander for the walkers which he harshly scored -2/10. The runners report was given by Next Week – a short and sweet trail of 4.39km with the hare setting a runners loop, through bush and paths which were reasonably well marked. He scored it -1/10 but it would’ve been 9/10 had there been an abundance of sweets available at the drink stop!

Down downs were:

• Unremarkable received the Hashit Award: for eating all the promised sweets at the drink stop and tried to blame all the walkers!
• Long Prong – had a should’ve gone to Spec Savers moment as he thought he was following Be Prepared in shorts on the trail until this mysterious person disappeared into another house that he realised that it wasn’t her (he has had his cataracts done but still needs his glasses to correct his eyesight was his excuse)
• Slurps – for coming in last as she was waylaid on the trail chatting to an old hasher
• Carrie – volunteering for anything and everything – I think we have a very keen potential committee candidate for next year!
• Triar F – for completing the whole run which was more than what Minder did and even gave a good recap of the trail
• The geographically challenged trio – Snogs & BP were driving around aimlessly looking for the correct address on their GPS’s and were late, whereas Ma’ Dog thought I had put the wrong address on the website of 17 instead of 117 as he hadn’t seen the ‘1’ on the above line on his mobile phone
• The Milestone Awards correction from last week: Minder (1,400 runs) & Mother Trucker (100 runs). Also, Minder would like to point out that he has actually done1,401 runs now (do you think he’s reading this now?!)
• Lech – welcome back from his travels from Indochina Hash, lots of hashing, drinking and catching up with all his ex wives and 27 children (that he can recall)
• Birthday: Tailend (73 candles), poor guy who had to pour and provide his own down down birthday drink!

A few announcements, namely the Mystery Brewery Tour – Sun 3 Dec; Gympie H3 Combined Christmas Run – Mon 4 Dec; Noosa H3 Christmas Run – Mon 11 Dec; Noosa H3 ‘Not the Australia Day’ Weekend Away – Fri 2-4 Feb.

The GM excused herself to start serving Swedish meatballs on mash with some green things called broccoli! Thanks to a number of hash helpers that may go unnoticed: Licker (catering), Tailend (drinks pourer), Bundy (serving) and Screamer (hostess). And last but not the least – thanks to Unremarkable for stepping up to the mark to be our #2269th HARE!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 6/11/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Licorice Nipples & Next Week

‘Twas the day before the Big Event of the running of the 2023 Melbourne Cup – the 163rd iteration of the historic race. Instead of horses, there were lame hashers but at least most of the ladies did at least wear a fascinator or hat.

We started on Hilton Esplande and sauntered along the Noosa River until the first check where Nafa went off on his own trail. Only Beams, All Fours, Licker and Miss Belinda Snogs entered into the Noosa Lakes Resort only to lose trail due to the early downpour that wiped some trail. We eventually found a gate that led us back onto trail to join up with the rest of the pack. The runners and walkers split happened shortly after with the runners skirting along a track parallel to Goodchap St and at the back of the hospital until we reached Wallace Park to join up with the walkers trail. Licker passed by her back gate proudly showing us the results of using Roundup on her garden (it was rather brown or dead!). Instead of inviting us in for a beer (which Beams was sorely disappointed) she went in to use the toilet. The trail took us by Noosa Waters until we got to Gibson St and the underpass where we spotted Got Off across the road. Licker decidedly took a shortcut home as she didn’t want to leave all those poor hashers thirsty at the bucket (what a considerate GM/Beer Meister!). Soon, we were heading back along Hilton Terrace and home – a wonderful 5.45km trail.

The Wonky Waddlers report was given by Triar F – the trail went this way and that way, waddling down the river, passed the Nguyen Brothers Restaurant, down and around the block and back home. Nafa gave the runners report – feeling a little lonely most of the time as he was way ahead of everyone else, he even asked locals for directions and if they had seen arrows, with one paying him a compliment (NOT) about sinking in the mud when it rained too much and that he wouldn’t be able to see any trail.

A reasonable quick and short show of down downs were:

• Mother Trucker receiving the Hashit Award: for rubbing it in for Licker as she got her leg over!
• Beams – who said chivalry was dead as this week he was going to fight off all the nasty Trolls along the underpass by the river @ Gibson Road
• Screamer – at a shopping centre carpark she went to pay she couldn’t remember what her car registration plate was but Ma’ Dog & Unremarkable know…
• Licker – for stopping at her house in search of an excellent loo but wouldn’t let Beams in for a beer stop. Hares Next Week & Licorice Nipples also received a down down for not having a drink stop at Lickers – a prime spot!
• Miss Belinda Snogs – showering before going to hash as Licorice thinks she was going to ‘pick up’ at the Bowlo, but she told us it was a shower after having a ‘liaison’
• Milestone Awards: Minder & Roobarb (too many to mention!)
• Birthdays: Breathless, Ride On, Mozzie, Red Knob

We then piled into the Noosa Lawns Club (Bowlo) for some sort of Chinese banquet (it might have been the lame horses that weren’t send to the glue factory). The Best Ladies hat/fascinator prize went to Hairy Mickey while Insultan wore and won the Best Mens hat prize. Meanwhile, the big time punters who entered into the 50c, $1, $2 sweepstakes was drawn with the big prize money winner of $34 going to Bundy. Thanks to the DSIs (Holy Smoke & Floosie & assisted by Mad Dog who organised the sweep. I wanted to win the piñata donkey/horse (it was kind of cute with big eye lashes) but Floosie wouldn’t given him up! Thanks to the hares, Licorice Nipples and Next Week for a good trot around Noosaville. BTW – did you know that Mark Zahra made history as the first jockey in decades to ride back-to-back Cup winners, when he steered Irish horse Without A Fight to victory – same jockey but different horse.

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 30/10/23
Location: Castaways Beach
Hares: Floosie & Mad Dog

We arrived at Castaways Beach only to run into a very scary witch approaching the driveway – it was Maneater with a loud and evil cackle. Floosie & Mad Dog’s house was decorated with loads of fang-tastic décor from pumpkins to ghouls and creepy crawly creatures that made the Halloween house look bootiful.

Most hashers got into the theme, dressed to the occasion and off we went to go trick or treating. The trail was marked mostly on the right side of the road by Mad Dog except when Floosie sometimes forgot, might have marked it on the left side. We seemed to pass many reserves and parks, namely Caribbean, Driftwood, Flagship, Coconut Grove, Wavecrest, Moonbeam, Castaways, Orient, Dame Patti, Comet, Rainbow – just to name a few! There were lots of checks that kept most of us together with a slight confusion around the entry and exiting points to the beach. Beams seemed to think it was enter 42 and exit 39 or was it the other way round?! For the second week in a row, we were confronted with a howling wind as we sauntered along the coastal track of Castaways Beach with wind in our hair, sand in our faces and shoes. We had anticipated a drink stop as soon as we exited the beach but alas it was not to be until much further on! It was getting darker when we had to use torches to find the drink stop which was manned by two dogs – Mad Dog and Ma’ Dog. Fortunately, it was only a short scramble up through some bush to home with pumpkin lanterns and candles to show us the way + the moonlight!

Meanwhile back at the Halloween house, there was a coven of witches gathered around the kitchen cauldron concocting broths, potions and casting spells on their sacrificial male – Blameless. We were treated to a huge bucket of sweet tasting fresh prawns – the only downside was you had to get your hands dirty to peel them. A very scathing run report was given by Lazy Prick – what were the hares thinking as they got the weather wrong, strong winds that blew him off course, got sand in his hair, ears and between his toes, gave it negatives but the redeeming thing was the drink stop so the total score was 1/10. The walkers report was given by Ride On with a totally different perspective – it was well marked, scenic, great distance, great drink stop, the path was lit up with lanterns/pumpkins and scored it 9/10. The Witches tea party report was given by Holy Smoke – they were all amused sitting around the kitchen cauldron drinking, eating nibbles, telling witchy tales and Floosie entertaining the group.

Down downs were:

• Carrie – Best dressed female prize and Long Prong – Best dressed male prize
• The skeletons – Next Week, Drovers Dog, Carrie & Licker were lined up all looking rather slim after careful extreme dieting. The crowd was asked who should win the skeleton beauty contest – No Body!
• Long Prong – has had his mask/costume locked away for 1,000 years as it smelt of mothballs from a mile away, but poor Hoarder was always behind him on the trail and smelt the mothballs for the entire trail!
• Licker – well deserved 2nd time Hashit Award. Half way around the run she had to seek out one of the builders site portaloo to take a massive dump, apparently it was a very luxurious loo!
• Omo – was an assistant hare and wearing an ‘IPOOED’ tshirt which was very apt standing next to Licker after she just received her Hashit Award
• Ma’ Dog – who said chivalry was dead as this nice young gentleman peeled prawn for the girls who didn’t want to get their hands dirty and smelly, apparently it reminded him of all his ex girlfriends at the brothel
• Lazy Prick for being a w*nker and giving such a low score for the run has achieved a milestone award (50 runs) – a w*nking towel
• Blameless – was the sacrificial lamb as he sat around the witches cauldron and being fed red wine

Well, there weren’t many tricks being played but we were definitely treated with prawns, loaded taco minced rat meat, spider droppings, lots of toppings and gooey melted cheese made the Halloween nachos frightfully delicious! Floosie lent me a broom which made my outfit complete, except the black pussy fell off mid flight. Thanks Floosie and Mad Dog for your halloweenish hospitality!

On On
All Fours