Beams brings a BIG stick…

Date/Time: Monday 19/02/24, 5pm

Hares: Got Off on a Lazy Prick
Location: Pinaroo Pk, Noosa Dve Noosa Heads

Map Ref: https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1ynM6MKoOmoThLqy9nCzm1X3pqSs&hl=en_US&ll=-26.39754129999999%2C153.0878557&z=17

Run Fee: $10 members & non-members

On On
Lazy Prick

Date/Time: Monday 12/02/24, 5pm
Location: Noosaville
Hares: Digit Digester with Ma’ Dog

A sad day, as it’s my last collaboration run report with All Fours. Admittedly I was co-hare, with Digit Digester so it might be a tad bias. Also, as we sail into the sea of uncertainty with our new committee, we remain rudderless, in the position of On Sec. Surely there is someone out there, with enough words nous, wit, black humour, sarcasm and no conscience to fill the void?

We gathered at the dog park atop Lake Weyba Drive and what a good turnout there was. Great to see some originals like Speed Dog and unregulars like the Fat Controller plus some visitors from ‘wankyank’ country (B Flat& Victoria Falls). The FGM & RA took command and reminded us all, what an auspicious occasion this was. It’s the present committees last run, as in a few hours they would be unshackled from the bondage of commitment and join the ranks of us mere mortals, being the members and being totally ignored for the next twelve months.

Digit and Moi, gave a quick rundown on how the run was laid, its length and duration, which was hard as we had no clue about either because I inadvertently switched of my run tracker when setting it. Down the road and left into Nannygai St, across into Blameless Shire to a check, with a small meander thru the park, along Waterside to Saltwater. The runners by all accounts were speeding ahead and a good number of walkers were in pursuit. Through another park and through Skipper to a check at Maccas. The walkers kep ttogether and wouldn’t be out done by those peskie front runners. Some slack arses did take the opportunity to shortcut back but the majority continued. The runners spearheaded by Beams the Fat Controller and Silly Prick reached the next check on Gympie Terrace. Sadly, they were misguided and went left and ignored the fact that there were no ‘On’ arrows. After much cursing to the perpetrator, they headed back, up Thomas to Albert. Here they meandered through Anne, James and onto Weyba Road. A short jog back to Lake Weyba Drive and homeward to the Doggy Park. Naffa of course, couldn’t resist but to shortcut and against his normal reactions, said he actually enjoyed it for once. Beams was the first legit trail runner back and informed me, it was 5.1kms long and took 45 minutes, which was news to me and Digit ????. The circle was formed, after my last duty as Hash Crier, where I usually deafen everybody in close proximity. A very short and quick circle was performed with the FGM providing a quick summary of events and expenditure of the 2023/2024 year!

So without further ado, over to you, our illustrious and departing RA& On Sec & Scribe – All Fours for her last contribution to the run report.

On On
Ma Dog

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Summary of AGPU

After a short run and a short circle we all wandered down Lake Weyba Drive to the Laguna Retirement Village for more drinking and to the long awaited event of the year – AGPU! OMG, it couldn’t have come sooner…

Meals on Wheels catered the 3 course dinner with all you could drink from the generous bucket. Licker and Red Knob had to go home to replenish the grog as this was,by far one of the best attended AGPUs with over 60 people! There were definitely a few Hashers who were rather merry too!

We were entertained by the Hash Committee, the Von Crapp Singers with a selection of rewritten hash words to The Sound of Music songs and lyrics were provided for the Hashers to sing along. The last song performed was “So Long, Farewell”, where the FGM tossed the Hashit Award, TM tossed chalk, HC tossed a cash register with money, RA/On Sec tossed a laptop computer and we all waved SO LONG… FAREWELL…AUF WIEDERSEHEN… GOODBYE…

Special mention of thanks to:

• Reverse Thrust (MC duties, use of his PA system)
• Breathless, The Madam (Kaffir’s wife), Kaffir, Possum, Reverse Thrust (recorded vocals)
• Michael (Breathless’ brother for creating the backing tracks)

A few awards were given out, the final part of the proceedings was the sacking of the committee and the election of the new GM and their committee. There were two main contenders – Treadie and Nafa. After a show of hands, the new GM is TREADIE!!!

The new committee lineup for 2024/25 is:

• GM –Treadie
• RA –Beams
• Hash Cash – Ride On
• TMs – Rocky & Lazy Prick
• Beer Meisters – Hoader & Tailend
• DSIs – Mozzie & Be Prepared
• Minister of Loose Ends (MOLE) – Dun’ Rootin’

Congrats to the new committee!­­ However, there is an important role that is still vacant – the On Sec! Treadie is look for someone who is a great communicator and is good with emails. I know there are some hashers who totally fit the bill– so step up and show us how it’s done!

On On to another awesome year of hashing!
All Fours (signing off for the very last time – YAYYYYYYY!!!)

Date/Time: Monday 05/02/24, 5pm
Location: Peregian Beach
Hares: Dennis the Menace and Longis Prongis

This was another hot sticky day but it was a little overcast as we gathered at Peregian Beach. Longis Prongis was definitely worried that it would rain and wash out all the beautiful coloured chalked trail. There were yellow, blue and pink arrows along the way with lots of checks. Early on Nafa went down a street and turned right, missing the faint yellow arrow which went left. The trail did go up and down between the houses which seemed to loop back each time. The hares cunningly gave the runners a diversion rather than sending them to the drink stop. The path home was along the beach, popping blue bottles as we went and finally catching up with the walkers before turning in at Beach Access No. 59.

The walkers report was given by Boobs – got lost about 1 billion times (not exaggerating here…) but where we found trail, it was great! Groper gave the runners report – which was very different, the hares stood over the runners/walkers split so that the runners would take a BIG deviation around the area, only to loop back onto the main road with fast traffic and to the drink stop when all the walkers had disappeared! Despite that, he thought it was a great run, great distance and losing Nafa early on and never seeing him again until back at the bucket!

The Down Downs were given to:

• Birthdays – Unremarkable, Boobs, Got Off
• Hashit Award – Groper for ignoring 2 Sheilas when driving to the run (the GPS and GT) when they tried to give him directions and got lost!
• Maneater gave a synopsis of the ‘Not the Australia Day’ weekend at Imbil
• Weak As – for the lonesome, well hung Plough Boy/Cowboy who entertained us in Imbil with his act
• Licker – a GM for wearing another club’s tshirt, the Larrikins when she isn’t even a member of Larrikins
• Longis Prongis – returned his tiny piece of pink chalk left over from marking checks and he was seen with a large pair of garden shears cutting down bush by the BBQ as he tried to make some topiary.
• Licker – a thank you from Miss Belinda Snoggs for sucking up and telling her what a fabulous job she has done for the year and leading such a fabulous committee. Thanks goodness she will be sacked next week, otherwise she will have a big head thinking ‘Sheilas can do anything!’
• Visitors/returnees – Fussy Not Desperate (FND), Groper, GT, Drover’s Dog
• Licker – for chasing after the 3 young shirtless hunky dudes down the road

Thanks to the hares – Dennis the Menace and Longis Prongis for the excellent trail and supper of snags, chips and coleslaw.

On On to the AGPU…
All Fours

How much excavation can be done in a day?

Date/Time: Monday 29/01/24, 5pm
Location: Lake MacDonald
Hare: Treadie

The answer to the above question is that an excavator could be used to dig anywhere from 350 to 1,000 cubic yards per day. Treadie has certainly been busy by planning the trail around Lake MacDonald Forest Park which looks remarkably like an excavator (see below image).

A surprising number of hashers managed the trail in the humidity minus the hot sun as it had been forecast for a huge downpour. Fortunately, the RA’s Anti Rain app was working and managed to delay the rain until the following day. The run was a mere 8.43km and the walkers was approximately 5km. Beams, wearing a bright yellow tshirt was like the yellow peril always at your heels and catching up!

The extended walkers report was given by Rocky – he went slightly beyond the fence line when he got to a check and did extra 1km, but still scored it 9.4/10. Weak As gave the runners report – thought the run was absolutely fantastic, bush run, great distance and the chance to jump in the lake to cool off afterwards and thinks that Treadie should set all the runs for the rest of the year!

The Down Downs were given to:

• Recharge & GB – celebrating their 12 wedding anniversary (aww SWEET) & still in LOVE!
• Rocky – does the extended version of the walk, gets back to bucket and shoves ice down his socks (not jocks) then takes off his singlet and wrings out half a bucket of sweat!
• Next Week – was complaining all morning that he couldn’t wear flippers for swimming as he had sore and swollen feet and that he couldn’t possibly run in the evening, however he was running off ahead of everyone else – how his feet has miraculously recovered & is HEALED!!!
• Mother Trucker received the Hashit Award for not only falling over once but twice on the run
• Weak As – for scaring all the kids at the lake when he dropped his daks to go swimming naked
• Mozzie – had two lovely bandaged legs expertly attended by Nurse Licorice Nipples after Haybales pushed her into the stream. As Haybales felt guilty, he was seen holding hands with Mozzie back to the bucket.

The only type of excavation that happened was finding old fossils (we could name a few?!) but no artifacts! Many thanks to the terrific trail and supper which was single handedly done by none other than Treadie!

On On
All Fours

Date/Time: Monday 22/1/24, 5pm
Location: Noosaville
Hares: Lazy Prick & Hairy Mickey

It was a hot and steamy day, even at 5pm at the start of the run. As promised, the RA’s Anti-Rain app worked a dream and there was no rain whatsoever. Lazy Prick had planned a route that would be entertaining (obviously too much time on his hands!) with chalk scribbling messages along the way such as ‘All Fours Rest’ and ‘Nafa’s Tryst’ and a drink stop to rehydrate.

The trail took us over the Monks Bridge, through the Weyba Creek Busland Reserve, running parallel to the Noosa Springs Drive and past the Noosa Men’s Shed. We thought we should be heading back the other direction once we were climbing towards Noosa Heads. Fortunately, we turned towards Leslie Drive, along near Weyba Road to the Noosa Farmers Market where we cut through the Rococo Oval and – yay we were on our way home! It was only a mere 6.14km run but the humidity makes it much more challenging. Meanwhile, Licker was seen cooling herself down under the tap which was only a metre off the ground but she was up for a wet tshirt competition.

The walkers report was given by Biggles – man of a few words and all he managed was “it was OK”. Beams gave us a more comprehensive run report – full of twists & turns, heaps of checks, kept pack together, right distance, great territory, enough shiggy/bush/trails bits to make it interesting and a welcoming drink stop before we fainted in the heat. The map of the trail looks remarkably like a mushroom, what do you think of the pictures below?

The Down Downs were given to:

• Visitors: Jenny (Screamer’s younger sister)
• Returnees: Wheelie Bin (Laguna resident), No Crutch
• Be Prepared & Ride On – chatting along on the run when Be Prepared said “I can’t tell the difference between males &females” – apparently talking about the sex of a cane toad!
• Wheelie Bin & Treadie – comparing their pacemakers which they have given names to (Wheelie’s called Bin Larden or Little Otto?, Treadie’s called Gerry)
• Wetcheck & Kondom – after the run last week on her birthday they finally got home @ 9:45pm. While waiting for the tow truck to fill in time they were shagging in the back seat! (awww how SWEET!)
• Wheelie Bin & Blameless – Wheelie has hosted events at his previous property where the only directions to go left or right, but Blameless when straight ahead & landed in the water or ditch?
• Hoarder – wished her a Hashy Birthday  
• Hashit Award – Beams for pushing all the slower athletes out of his way as he was going so fast he just couldn’t stop
• Reverse Thrust – he saw ducks lining the water, but he had his mind in the gutter telling Licker he had all his F**ks lined in a row
• Lazy Prick – doubter that the RA’s Anti Rain App wouldn’t be working, today was a beautiful day, may be a tad hot but no rain on the trail, until we got home in the evening @ 9pm

Then we were off to the Laguna Retirement Village, guided by Digit Digester standing guard at the entrance and ensuring the hashers wouldn’t deviate. Next Week was the only one who went for a dip in the very inviting pool while the hasher sat around drinking. Supper was then served at The Forum by Hairy Mickey with the assistance of Dolly (another Laguna resident).

Many thanks to the hares – Lazy Prick and Hairy Mickey! It was hot and steamy but we survived the weather and were glad we didn’t get fed those special kind of mushrooms for dinner!

On On
All Fours

Date/Time: Monday 15/1/24, 5pm
Location: Peregian Springs
Hares: Beams

It was great to return to a run location where we haven’t been for a while and we know that the locals were definitely expecting us – the MOZZIES! Whilst Mozzie wasn’t physically there, she didn’t disappoint us with her large extended family out in force to feast upon the Hashers! I think the Duck Pond may need to be renamed to the Peregian Mozzie Pond…

The trail skirted in and out around the Peregian Springs housing estate with lots of checks, on backs, twists and turns that we felt we double backed on ourselves for most of the time. Many of the cul-de-sacs had paths that led onto different streets and took us around the Peregian Springs Golf course. The entire pack of 8 runners keep together and hot on their heels was an athlete in disguise of a walker – Top Down. She even admitted that she did a half decent time at the Park Run last weekend! Having said that, the remaining walkers didn’t do too badly either having returned to the bucket within the hour.

The run/fast walker report was given by Top Down – a very delightful 5km jaunty essentially around the Peregian Springs Golf Club which we managed to dodge some soggy grassy bits. There was no need for separate reports seeing Top Down was definitely an overachiever for the walkers but kept up with the runners. The FGM spruiked the ‘Not the Australia Day’ weekend away in Imbil which is only 2.5 weeks away. The following week is the AGPU where we have received 3 nominations for the next GMship. We are also encouraging/open for those who wish to be on the committee but not wanting to the GM role.

The Down Downs were given to:

• Visitors: Bleeding Down Below (Belgium Hash) and cousin, Just Sam (England) visiting her Father on the Sunshine Coast
• Lazy Prick – is next week’s hare but was being very doubtful of the RA’s Anti Rain App ability and is already preparing for his run to be a wash out like last time
• Wetcheck – birthday girl exactly today!
• Reverse Thrust got the Hashit Award for extracurricular activities on the run involving undoing zippers with teeth

Thanks for the trail and supper, all expertly done single handed by our hare Beams! We cleared and packed up the picnic area, leaving one poor gluten free sausage. Unfortunately, it wasn’t only the sausage left, it was poor Kondom and Wetcheck who had car troubles. They finally got towed and was home at 9:45pm. It wasn’t exactly the birthday that Wetcheck had wished for!

On On
All Fours

Date/Time: Monday 8/1/24, 5pm
Location: Yandina
Hares: Wetcheck & Kondom

Welcome to 2024! What a start to the new year, with a run in Yandina. There were even hashers who have never ventured there before for a run.

The trail took us around the Yandina Sporting Complex and skirting around town. Ironically, we crossed over Steggalls Road when Kaffir was seen chatting up a very good looking chick (a hen). This hen decided to follow him up the road for a while until she got a better offer and Kaffir had run off. Next, we zipped passed the Ginger Factory but we didn’t see the Gruffalo as we ran through the woods. As we ducked (no chickens were harmed) under the railway bridge, we headed along Old Gympie Road. At the round-a-about the FRBs namely Next Week, Beams, Nathan and Joel continued their climb up the steepish road with an elevation of more than 51 metres only to be told by Leach that the trail was meant to take a right turn. As Next Week was already at the top of the road, he decided to continue to loop back home.

The run report by Kaffir which was very informative yet we still got jeering from the rowdy disruptive hashers. Whistleblower gave the walkers report which she scored 10/10 – a very delightful introduction run for 2024 as we tried to work off our Xmas/New Year’s excesses. Our FGM gave a toast to our recently departed fellow hasher Band Aid who tragically lost her life during the Gympie storms. On On to Hash Heaven.

The Down Downs were given to:

• Visitors/returnees: Nathan (Licker’s son) and mate Joel – they also got another one for being the ‘young fit stallions’ at the start but soon ran out of steam and couldn’t keep up with the oldies
• All Fours tried to charge Boobs as there was a bloke that really looked like him waving to All Fours at the Noosa Civic, but that was a reverse charge
• Bedspringer – saw the very good looking hen on the side of the road and made some good chicken jokes about Kaffir being a chic magnet and why the chicken crossed the road
• Nafa got a charge from Nathan having ‘given him one from behind’ then smirked off on the run to take a short cut and walked back to the bucket
• Insultan thought he would spring clean the house, including cleaning the stove which was still hot that he burnt his fingers and couldn’t play golf or wank at the same time…
• Next Week got the Hashit Award for insisting on taking everyone up the hill as he had prior knowledge of the trail that he took an alternative route home
• Nathan, Joel, Beams, Next Week for leading everyone astray and ran an extra kilometre as they missed the arrows at the round-a-bout
• Red Knob apparently has a hole in his shorts but fortunately he was wearing underwear, only Licker was the only one who saw it – we don’t know why she was staring at his crotch in the first place…

Thanks to our first hares of 2024 Wetcheck & Kondom for the great trail (which wasn’t in Tewantin – surprise!).

On On
All Fours