Date: Monday 28/8/23
Location: Cooroy
Hares: Haybales & Mozzie

Despite a smaller, elite group of 21 hashers today, we embarked on a perilous journey through the treacherous bush and enchanting creek of Cooroy, and through the newer housing estates. Armed with naught but a sense of humour and no map, we ventured forth to explore the hidden gems of this peculiar suburban labyrinth. Buckle up, for you’re about to be regaled with tales of our escapades through the pathways through the houses, where laughter was the ultimate prize especially when you encounter wildlife or tamer creatures…

Our journey commenced at Apex Park with Next Week and Weak As leading the pack west, completely ignoring any trail markings that was not to their liking. Deciphering the cryptic signs, the hash quickly reached the drink stop. The ambling enthusiasts zig-zagged their way through hidden pathways and through the town back towards the bucket – a snappy 3.6km.

Lunatic’s walkers report about a lengthy two hour trail through the rainforest proved to be a canard. Lech let Lunatic give the report first, which made his runners report easy by adding ditto, ditto, ditto, a lovely well marked trail and all back in time to visit the loo on the way home.

Down downs were given to:

• Weak As – he did look quite zaftig at the drink stop as he complained about being out of shape, but we all know that round is a shape. Licker commented on how well the pregnant woman looked running across the park, only to discover that it was Weak As!
• Visitors/returnees: Crum & Crumpet (Sydney), Reversio Trusto (the Italian Stallion – 15 weeks in 15 beds) can now name every pizza there is and wash it down with 3 bottles of vino rosso!
• Shit Stirrer Award: All Fours – should really be the Entertainment Award for marking sightings of pussies and ducks. Doesn’t everyone just love a ginger pussycat?
• The free raffle went to Crumpet – I think there’s something about visitors always winning the free raffles! Later on, Lech asked if the raffle had been drawn – he wasn’t even standing next to Holy Smoke to be prompted!
• Dun Rootin’ – has done it again when she turned up at the hash grinning from ear to ear, even though Jungle Jim’s gone back to Sydney. Apparently, she brought a big stick so she can lure or beat her catch for the day. She was seen running after some lucky punter (or was that the other way round?)
• Next Week for noticing the run was very different tonight, perhaps it was going anti clock wise direction but last week Next Week was in Cooroy, this week and next week too. Perhaps the trail might be different next time?
• Slurps – All Fours was helping a damsel in distress by offering to give her a push from behind up the mound and the thanks that All Fours got was a clobber around the head!
• Slurps & Hoarder were busy chattering along the run while everyone was back for hours waiting – only to find out the pair went off to the loo and was way laid by chatting to another ex hasher.

This may be a piece of nugatory information, but did you know that a ginger cat brings ‘GOOD LUCK’. In contrast, ginger cats symbolise leadership, and encountering one is thought to bring good fortune in friendships, prosperity, and wealth. One of the reasons why having a ginger cat brings luck is that they protect their owners from evil spirits through their playful behaviour. So, for all those who spotted the ‘marked’ ginger pussy, you are LUCKY, so buy yourselves a lottery ticket this Saturday!

When the circle closed, we were served hot chicken, rolls and salad. Thanks to the hares Haybales and Mozzie – a short and sweet little run…

On On
All PAWS Fours

Date: Monday 21/8/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Your illustrious Noosa Hash Committee

WOW, another virgin territory run – well, it was for me anyhow! Your illustrious Noosa Hash Committee wanted to give back to our wonderful members with free ferry and free pizzas washed down with a free drink.

Hashers started to arrive from 4:30pm down at the end of Moorindil Street to catch the ferry over to the North Shore. Kaffir and Next Week took their cars, loaded with passengers across the waters and ferried them to the start of the trail. Slowly, but surely we had a core group of 27 hashers and 3 wallabies ready to go.

The trail essentially went through bush and sandy paths with lots of check that kept the entire group together that even walkers did some checks! The trail was laid with flour but most checks had to be marked with logs/branches/sticks. It was not a good idea to hang around the checks too long as I could hear mozzies circling. When we came to the crossing at Beach Road, there was Kaffir chauffeuring a late Weak As to join us for the remainder of the run. No sooner had we crossed the road, we were back into the bushland where there was a check. Weak As took off right as he said we must head towards the sun to go home. Somehow, he saw imaginary arrows and we followed him blindly like sheep (to the slaughter).The correct trail was over the gate and skirting around someone’s property and back onto the road where Kaffir was in his car waiting anxiously to point us in the right direction. Fortunately, as we hit the road it was just starting to get dark but we managed to find our way back to the ferry without being dazzled too much with the headlights of oncoming cars. The ferry came back over from the other side without any vehicles or passengers so we felt we had our own personal vessel – it was even driven by an ex Darwin Hasher!

Back on this side of the river, we were treated to Breathless’ washing machine firepit and the GM’s entrée ‘subs’ all laid out on the table. This was shortly followed by an array of pizzas and lots of red wine consumed. The circle then took place around the fire with Weak As toasting his pizzas. Weak As gave the runners report of half the trail he did. Kaffir drove him in the car to join us but he wanted to get out quickly as Kaffir was playing songs on his stereo like ‘Sexually Healing’. The walkers report was given by Turner (who hasn’t been around much lately), thought the walk was most delightful, well marked, a good distance, scenic, very different but only scored it 3/10.

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Geographically Naïve (Northern Beaches H3, Sydney), Cinderella (Posh & Northern Beaches H3, Sydney)
• Breathless & DT – both retired people trying to keep healthy & fit by buying new e-bikes. On the first day of using their e-bikes Breathless encountered a tree while DT had the concrete pavement jump out from nowhere (he also needs ribs & teeth fixing)
• Boobs & Kondom – while running past them, they said they were both elderly gentlemen – I said I saw the elderly but didn’t see the gentlemen!
• Shit Stirrer Award: Boobs – trying to hump Slurps while she was busying tidying up
• Holy Smoke for organising a fabulous day out at the Gympie Races on Saturday, but she still wants to know if the raffle has been drawn!
• Licorice Nipples for kicking the bucket which caused all the lights to go out!
• Lech & Kondom – the birthday boys are celebrating their 75th & 80th
• Miss Lucky Pants – Berocca won big time at the races after bugging Lunatic for tips as she had picked the first 3 winning races, but decided to pick Kappa Cino with odds 17 to 1 to win $$$!
• Turner – next time she returns to the hash, she must learn some manners having thrown up the ‘hot & spicy’ chilli pizza everywhere, fortunately we didn’t have to worry about cleaning up the restaurant floor or tables!

Thank you to the committee for the (mostly) free night, but no thanks to the mozzies that came out in force for that free feeding frenzy as I counted 50 bites (and still itching)…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 14/8/23
Location: Verrierdale
Hares: Whistleblower

Hurrah! A run set in the wilds of Noosa, called Eumundi Conservation Park in Verrierdale. The hare, Whistleblower was well prepared at the start handing out maps to the bucket/On Inn. She even pointed out for the geographically challenged map readers (females), which direction Dean Road was in case they headed in the wrong way.

Off we went down the Blackbutt Trail with a few checks along the way with signposts pointing to tracks 1,2,3 but still we continue along the Blackbutt Loop until we came to the runners and walkers well marked split at the intersection of Figbird Track, Geebung Circuit, Ironbark Trail. The walkers peeled off along the Figbird Track, while the runners ventured down Ironbark Trail. We then turned off to the Geebung Circuit and back onto Figbird Track to home! By the time the runners got back on their 6km run, the walkers had disappeared off in their cars to the On Inn. The hare, again being very responsible waited patiently until every hasher was back and accounted for.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a very inviting massive bonfire was awaiting despite the temperature being 26oC today! Breathless gave the walkers report, while Kaffir did the runners report. Accordingly, it was the best set run, great markings and checks (Woof Woof said you could see it from the moon!), great bush location, didn’t see another soul, no traffic, no bikes – just nature and 31 hashers!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Jungle Jim (Sydney Posh), Tex (Melbourne)
• Whistleblower & Wet Check – both are great time keepers. Wet Check’s watch is 6 mins slow, while Whistleblower got to her run on time this week for an earlier start of 4:30pm but previously thought she’d thought she arrived on time at 5pm but the run started at 4:30pm
• Lech was standing alone on his own as he must’ve farted – he tried to tell us what he’d had for lunch…
• Shit Stirrer Award: Haybales – when everyone was enjoying the lovely snacks laid out on the table, he didn’t want anyone else to have them so he decided to chuck them all over the floor and feed it to the dog instead
• Dun Rootin’ apparently got one last night – was it from Jungle Jim or was it some other unsuspecting bloke down at the pub?
• Bundy & Holy Smoke went around and around in circles for ages in the park as the pair of them have dodgy right sided hips
• Boobs was rubbing his leg furiously when Woof Woof chipped in and said it wasn’t that big. He was hoping the rubbing might make it bigger…

With such a fab fire that lit up the sky, there were still no virgins or spinsters sacrificed as Minder is yet to name one or two! We were then served hot potatoes and chili con carne cooked by Tripod (Mr Whistleblower) while the trail was set by Whistleblower and ably assisted by Woof Woof. Thanks Whistleblower and Tripod for your hospitality, food and the trail out in the wilderness!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 7/8/23
Location: Tewantin Party Central
Hares: Bundy & Boobs

The RA’s Anti Rain app was clearly working in favour of the Noosa Hash as showers were forecast for the day and most thought it might be a quick stroll with umbrellas around the block. A reasonable good turnout (for Winter) of approximately 35 hardy souls rocked up at Party Central. Boobs had lots of instructions at the start of the run which went in one ear and out the other! There was something about SH1(T) trail markings and SH2, SH3…

As we headed down the end of Cambucca Court, Digit Digestor came late screaming around the corner in her car after the run had started and she even left early. The trail led us through a few parks – Sundial and Furness Drive, over Beckmans Road and into the bushy national park along the Hovea Track. We eventually came out via the Wooroi Day Area and back into civilisation of Tewantin. Along the Cooroy Noosa Road, we wondered when we would encounter one of the ‘ST’ markings or if the hare was only messing with us just to see if anyone was paying attention. Finally, I spotted the first one before we turned down St Andrews Drive – this would still be a reasonable lengthy walk for any shortcutter. Down the final stretch, we passed the Noosa Outlook shopping centre, turning right at Niblick Street, Muirfield Crescent to loop back home (and dry).

There was a great fire to warm us and keep dry under the carport as it rained on and off during the proceedings. The walkers report was given by Miss Belinda Snoggs– a great walk that was a good distance of over 5km and even had a ‘wee stop’ with Be Prepared along the way. Lech gave the runners report – he managed to stop Rocky from shortcutting and kept Recharge company on the 6.5km journey. Notable down downs were for:

• Licker – straining a butt muscle simply by reaching for a beer in the fridge
• Minder– who claimed the Shit Stirrer Toilet Seat Award (a newly created lightweight version by Ma’ Dog). He was apparently called ‘Dick Head’ and even wore a wooden whistle around his neck that resemble exactly that!
• Visitors: Smell My Finger & 5 NIL (NZ), PP1 & PP2 (Canberra), Drover’s Dog (Treadie’s Housesitter)
• Recharge– was grateful he wasn’t ‘by himself again’ on the run as he had Rocky & Lech to hold his hand
• Bedisloe Cup (win or loss depending on who you support) – Boobs represented All Blacks and Red Knob represented Wallabies. Boobs was flying the All Blacks flag on his roof – apparently it’s been 22 years since Wallabies have won (oh dear!).

The free raffle, dinner for 2 at a Thai Restaurant was won by Ride On. He was struggling to think of who to take but I think Dun Rootin’ was very keen to be taken out for dinner! Speaking of dinner, there was a huge pot of hot stew to be had next to a roaring hot firepit which almost blackened the side of the roof of the carport (this time it wasn’t Ma’ Dog’s fault, but the owner!). Thanks to our hares – Bundy and Boobs for the great trail, food and hospitality at Party Central!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 31/7/23
Location: Noosaville
Hares: Next Week & All Fours

We gathered tonight on Sea Eagle Dr, Noosaville, in the school carpark. Many a run set from here, so lets see how our illustrious RA tackles this one.  About 30 turned up for this one, and the weather was good, no signs of precipitation. Before the off, Next Week apologised in a nugatory manner, for a few ‘pauses’ in their marking and gave a lame excuse of the Council road sweeper brushing their well laid trail away. Hence, a short trail for the walkers but no one ever complains about it being too short!

The runners had their usual 2km loop added and the walkers were instructed to do their usual thing, which meant walk, talk and shortcut back to the bucket. We set off down Sea Eagle Drive to our first check, whilst Licker, Madcock and Kaffir, with Benny & Pepper in tow, looked for trail. ‘On left’ was the call from Digit, finding it hard to contain her excitement, that she was going in the right direction for once, without Sat Nav. Then we followed the well laid walking trail, that meandered through the rainforest, for what seemed an eternity, ‘till finally an easement thrust us back into civilisation. We wandered the streets of suburbia through streets which names I fail to recall. The small bunch of walkers at the tailend were enjoying this evenings exercise and had no bloody idea where they were. Minder was doing his very best to send people in the wrong direction, as he does best.  Boobs tried to impress the harriettes, with his stiff leg but no one took the bait. DT and Woof Woof were nowhere to be seen on the run, or were they just a figment of my imagination? Eventually, we shuffled past Roobarb’s abode, not home of course, as she’s in ‘snap frozen yank’ territory ‘Newfoundland’ and we headed back to the chariots, for sustenance.

There was lot of ‘flapdoodling’ and ‘bavardage’ going on tonight, as the hash got slowly lubricated to a stare of temulency, in time for the circle. The hares of course got praised for a marvellous run and it was I guess, maybe, or maybe not depending on who you talked to, cos they’re a fickle bunch. The circle was formed and charges were in abundance and I think Recharge got more than his fair share and some even bewildered him. Boobs & Bundy for returning, after their long trek across Australia but if the truth were known they were camped in Pomona all the time ‘cos the tight bastards didn’t want to use to much petrol. ???? Breathless was charged by Licorice Nipples for doing an impersonation of a tree no less. We all know he boasts about his manhood often, so seeing his ‘woody’ would’ve been no surprise for Hash Cash. Kaffir was charged, for fucking up his own charge against Boobs by making him demonstrate his ‘stiffy’ (leg that is) by doing a lap of the circle. Kaffir admitted after his canard, that he just wanted a drink anyway. Other charges were for Madcock – a belated one, as the RA forgot last week and Be Prepared for returning. That’s all I can remember ‘cos the bloody Hash Cash stole back my piece of paper my notes were on – due to the fact, there’s no money left in the bank to buy her more and the new house she’s got was expensive to build.

The circle ended and we were given a wonderful gourmet interlude of spaghetti & meatballs – all handcrafted by Next Week and it was very tasty indeed! Great night as always for our illustrious hares, they should be thanked for doing more than their fair share. Then I f**ked off home to watch the cricket and soccer.

P.S. Matildas won 4 – 0! As for the cricket score, I think they still finishing off breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner…

On On
Ma’ Dog

Date: Monday 24/7/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Licorice Nipples & Breathless

The Religious Advisor’s Anti Rain app was definitely working today as the forecast a week ago was for a deluge of10-20mm rain. Apart from a few sprinklings earlier in the day, the trail was set and a very inviting roaring firepit was ready for the hashers! Ma’ Dog turned up as the run was starting and even forgot to pick Slurps up along the way.

Off we went down the back lane to Gympie Street with the first check on the corner of Butler Street. There was lots of stationary checking at checks but it did keep the walkers and runners together. At one particular check, Triar F being a walker was at least proactive and did try and find trail. We headed down to the Tewantin Cemetery, along to the other end of Butler Street, skirting pass the edge of Doonella Wetlands Nature Refuge, up the steps and onto Poinciana Ave. Breathless, did some sneaky little markings past the Shell servo, only to cross back over the road on the pedestrian crossing and down Moorindil Street. A little gradient on Hendry Street took us back up to Gympie Street, just as a light drizzle started. We were sorely tempted to go straight back home but decided we had better follow the trail through Goodwin ark and the pass the front gate!

The walkers report was given by Red Knob who must’ve got stage fright as he was a man of few words – nice little amble around old Tewantin, weather held up and were back in time with the runners. The runners report was given by a very animated Digit Digestor,  the complete opposite of Red Knob and gladly filled in all the gaps of the walkers report. She even scored it 10/10! Later, Insultan told me that when he was walking with Red Knob on the trail, he couldn’t shut him up! The circle was around a magical firepit where I asked if there was someone to sacrifice – Minder said there were no virgins but only spinsters. When asked if he would name a spinster to be sacrificed or drink a beer, he chose the latter.

Down downs were for:

• Breathless who found Jesus when a man came to buy his car earlier that arvo. They talked for hours on religion and after a test drive to the countryside he still didn’t buy the car!
• Miss Belinda Snoggs was house sitting for Rocky & Berocca – got blamed for throwing a huge loud party when it was Rocky’s relatives staying there one weekend
• Rocky for stepping out at the start of the run, missed the invisible step out the gate and strained a very large muscle – there were no volunteers to massage it either!
• deliveries of Grand Daughters for Next Week & Lech – congratulations!

We were then treated to a very delicious, hearty winter’s night dinner of corned beef/silverside, peas, mash, sauerkraut and gravy. There was plenty to go around, even second helpings – talk about 5loaves and 2 fish. Hallelujah Brothers and Sisters! Thank the Lord or should I say – Breathless and Licorice Nipples for their fabulous hospitality, dinner and great run!

P.S. I hope we find Jesus soon…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 17/7/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: DT & Woof Woof

Leaving home at 4 o’clock on Monday, I could only assume that our RA had done something very naughty this week as the weather looked very inclement. However, by the time we got to the start the sky had cleared. Some runners were psyching themselves up for a wet steep run through the bush but Woof Woof and DT outwitted us and within a minute of starting the motley bunch of oldies were straggling across Cooroy Noosa Road to the amusement of the passing motorists.

Two of our visitors were almost nonstarter’s – Senator from Brisbane (an ex member of the Sydney Larrikin mafia) and Lei. They were persuaded to get moving and before long Lei was striding along near the front of the pack. Around the first couple of bends we went and then were presented with a very long grassy track with the end in sight only for those with good eyesight. A few muddy patches but in general a nice long easy section and lots of blobs of flour. Around the next bend we were following chalk and flour, and it wasn’t long before we decided that the trail had been set on a bicycle because some of the checks were a bit further away than you would normally expect from the check. We needed a halfway checker to be able to ferry the sound of ON ON back to those who hung around the check waiting for instructions. Some of the arrows were very close together, just to throw us off the scent and some were quite a bit further apart. All in all, a well set trail which took some of us to places we hadn’t walked before. I gave it a 8.5/10 but Lazy Prick who gave the runners report had to outdo me and gave it 8.6/10!

Back at the bucket, there was a down down for Turtle who had a recent birthday which had almost passed unnoticed. There were a few other visitors – Metro (Coffs Harbour), Lunatic’s Aunt (Melbourne) and returnees – Ride On and Lunatic. The hares got their down downs for the usual reasons, Kaffir ended up with a toilet seat on his head for reasons that I can’t recall.  However, he’s had so many recent transgressions it could be for any or all of them. Whistleblower got one for turning up 15 minutes early for a 5 o’clock run but still managed to catch up with us before the end without shortcutting. Possum led us in song with her usual dulcet tones singing hearty renditions of the various melodies that the Hash have managed to bastardise over the past 60 years.

The nosh was lovely, a hearty winter casserole with a lot of wine and brandy involved. Second helpings for quite a few. Thanks to Woof Woof and DT for a lovely evening.

On On
Licorice Nipples