Date: Monday 30/10/23
Location: Castaways Beach
Hares: Floosie & Mad Dog

We arrived at Castaways Beach only to run into a very scary witch approaching the driveway – it was Maneater with a loud and evil cackle. Floosie & Mad Dog’s house was decorated with loads of fang-tastic décor from pumpkins to ghouls and creepy crawly creatures that made the Halloween house look bootiful.

Most hashers got into the theme, dressed to the occasion and off we went to go trick or treating. The trail was marked mostly on the right side of the road by Mad Dog except when Floosie sometimes forgot, might have marked it on the left side. We seemed to pass many reserves and parks, namely Caribbean, Driftwood, Flagship, Coconut Grove, Wavecrest, Moonbeam, Castaways, Orient, Dame Patti, Comet, Rainbow – just to name a few! There were lots of checks that kept most of us together with a slight confusion around the entry and exiting points to the beach. Beams seemed to think it was enter 42 and exit 39 or was it the other way round?! For the second week in a row, we were confronted with a howling wind as we sauntered along the coastal track of Castaways Beach with wind in our hair, sand in our faces and shoes. We had anticipated a drink stop as soon as we exited the beach but alas it was not to be until much further on! It was getting darker when we had to use torches to find the drink stop which was manned by two dogs – Mad Dog and Ma’ Dog. Fortunately, it was only a short scramble up through some bush to home with pumpkin lanterns and candles to show us the way + the moonlight!

Meanwhile back at the Halloween house, there was a coven of witches gathered around the kitchen cauldron concocting broths, potions and casting spells on their sacrificial male – Blameless. We were treated to a huge bucket of sweet tasting fresh prawns – the only downside was you had to get your hands dirty to peel them. A very scathing run report was given by Lazy Prick – what were the hares thinking as they got the weather wrong, strong winds that blew him off course, got sand in his hair, ears and between his toes, gave it negatives but the redeeming thing was the drink stop so the total score was 1/10. The walkers report was given by Ride On with a totally different perspective – it was well marked, scenic, great distance, great drink stop, the path was lit up with lanterns/pumpkins and scored it 9/10. The Witches tea party report was given by Holy Smoke – they were all amused sitting around the kitchen cauldron drinking, eating nibbles, telling witchy tales and Floosie entertaining the group.

Down downs were:

• Carrie – Best dressed female prize and Long Prong – Best dressed male prize
• The skeletons – Next Week, Drovers Dog, Carrie & Licker were lined up all looking rather slim after careful extreme dieting. The crowd was asked who should win the skeleton beauty contest – No Body!
• Long Prong – has had his mask/costume locked away for 1,000 years as it smelt of mothballs from a mile away, but poor Hoarder was always behind him on the trail and smelt the mothballs for the entire trail!
• Licker – well deserved 2nd time Hashit Award. Half way around the run she had to seek out one of the builders site portaloo to take a massive dump, apparently it was a very luxurious loo!
• Omo – was an assistant hare and wearing an ‘IPOOED’ tshirt which was very apt standing next to Licker after she just received her Hashit Award
• Ma’ Dog – who said chivalry was dead as this nice young gentleman peeled prawn for the girls who didn’t want to get their hands dirty and smelly, apparently it reminded him of all his ex girlfriends at the brothel
• Lazy Prick for being a w*nker and giving such a low score for the run has achieved a milestone award (50 runs) – a w*nking towel
• Blameless – was the sacrificial lamb as he sat around the witches cauldron and being fed red wine

Well, there weren’t many tricks being played but we were definitely treated with prawns, loaded taco minced rat meat, spider droppings, lots of toppings and gooey melted cheese made the Halloween nachos frightfully delicious! Floosie lent me a broom which made my outfit complete, except the black pussy fell off mid flight. Thanks Floosie and Mad Dog for your halloweenish hospitality!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 23/10/23
Location: Sunrise Beach
Hares: Be Prepared & Licorice Nipples (ably assisted by Miss Belinda Snogs)

Well, this week’s run certainly weeded out any WIMPS at the hash as only the hardy and elite types showed up. Too bad as it was a bl**dy great run at a great location, great food, great company, so you missed out BIG TIME!!!

The trail quickly led us into a patch of bush and we were warned that this is snake season so be wary! Through Rainbow Park and into the reserve we went, crossing over David Low Way and heading down to the beach. There were markings on the pavement WIMPS to take the road or onto the Coastal Track along the gorgeous sandy beach where all trails exit at #37. It was windy as hell, almost like dust storms in the desert (not that I’ve been in one, but you can imagine) as Licker and Lazy Prick led the fast pack. Meanwhile, Beams was motoring along in his usual ‘Ever Ready Bunny’ mode was constantly on our tails. Just after exit #37 we reached The Chalet Lookout where we were greeted with a Drink Stop and various sugary sweets and SNAKES alive! We passed many large houses, some with fabulous views of the sunset across the water, Orient Drive, Wollomia Way and into Comet Park. Following Lazy Prick through the park, we soon realised that there weren’t anymore arrows as he missed the vital HUGE arrow pointing across to a path that skirted around the side to the wide bushfire trail. This eventually led us home to Be Prepared’s abode, with a shiny new Colourbond fence, a chair and the back gate open, welcoming us home!

We gathered around the poolside in a semi odd shaped circle, with the GM and RA standing on the pool plinth. The walkers report was given by Ride On – there were huge big arrows, lots of checks, scenic, but took the ‘Wimps’ trail and not along the beach. The runners report was given by our returnee Beams, who has been absent for 3 months – a fabulous trail especially along the beach on the NOT Wimps trail with views and sunset in the distance. Long Prong was plenty please as he won the raffle, complete with his favourite beer, chocolate goodies and a replacement hash bag.

Down downs were served by Beer Wench Reverse Thrust to:

• Lazy Prick for well and truly deserving the Shit Stirrer Award, this award of all awards for being able to clear his nose on the beach without the wind blowing it onto Licker, was boasting that he was the first home, won the free drink, asked a stranger on the street if they saw any arrows and for directions!
• Screamer& Unremarkable for turning down last weeks opportunity of getting married but you would have thought they were like an old married couple for arguing and carrying on for ages on the trail
• Screamer for being the property mogul, built the original house of 7 Goldcrest Court which is now Be Prepared’s abode
• DT& Woof Woof for having moved from Tinbeerwah to Tewantin thought twice about coming to the hash tonight as they thought it was a little far to travel…
• Kaffir for not going to Salsa dance lessons tonight and choose to come hashing instead, (missed out on the better offer!) apparently Mrs Kaffir said the ‘girls’ were far too young for him! Also, he did ask what does ‘W. I. M. P. S.’ stood for that was marked on the trail
• Red Knob & Beams – Red Knob ducked into the bushes to water some plants when Beams told him to be wary of the snakes as he wasn’t sure how he would have to put a tourniquet on it or suck out the poison!
• Carrie(Digit’s ex neighbour) is our newest member! Mischievous Minty forms her email address and she has a cheeky grin, so you’d better start putting your hash naming hats on…

An awesome dinner was served – chicken skewers, roast tatties, focaccia, cauliflower bake and green salads. Oh, forgot to mention our ice cream dessert too! Thanks to the trio of harriettes – Licorice Nipples, Be Prepared and Miss Belinda Snogs for setting a fabulous trail – who cares whether there’s one arrow and not three after a check before you’re on as most hashers attention span doesn’t stretch that far anyhow. Many thanks for your hospitality Be Prepared – she did good as we didn’t sight any WIMPS tonight – it was those who didn’t come and missed out…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 16/10/23
Location: Oktoberfest Garten, Tewantin
Hares: Kaffir, Miss Belinda Snogs, Licorice Nipples

Did you know… despite the name ‘Oktoberfest’, the event actually takes place at the end of September – ‘Septemberfest’ doesn’t really have the same ring to it! Oktoberfest wasn’t originally a beer festival but to celebrate the wedding of King Louis and Queen Therese. The Noosa Hash couldn’t find anyone to get married (Screamer & Unremarkable declined), we couldn’t get our act together to organise it in September, so we decided to throw an Oktoberfest party and drink beer instead!

OMG, we had hashers coming out of the woodwork – approximately 70 people descended upon Tewantin’s Oktoberfest Garten of Bindy & Leon. Quite a few made an effort of dressing up, even wearing our newly acquired hash tshirts. We started the trail through private and virgin territory of the Wooroi Creek Bushland Reserve at the end of Bindy & Leon’s garden and over Moorindil Street to the Noosa North Shore Ferry. We skirted along the Noosa River, up a steepish bank and back onto the end of Tait Street. There were several checks and on backs that ensured the group stayed together until we reached Clarey Park for the drink stop. We were greeted by Ruba Tuba entertaining us with their oom-pah-pah music – a French Lady on the accordion and an American Man on the Sousaphone. German beer was flowing, pretzels served, even neighbours came out to take photos, amuse themselves watching us and enjoying the free entertainment in the park. We continued our journey along George Street, passing the Calvary and Noosa Nursing Home where the oldies wanted the group to parade through their premises for entertainment but were prompted stopped by the ‘Fun Police’ nurses – how dare they have FUN! Soon, we headed back along Werin Street home, passing Recharge & GB’s homestead where a rather large kangaroo with joey sat watching us – not sure who was more amused!

Meanwhile back at the Oktoberfest Garten, music was playing, drinking continued until we held our rather large circle. Fortunately, there was a microphone and PA system to introduce, complete in their regalia – King Louis and Queen Therese of Bavaria. King Louis (aka No Pants) retold the history and fun facts of Oktoberfest. The run report was given by Frau Munchin’ in German and kindly translated to English by Frau Turner.

Down downs were served by Beer Wench Berocca to:

• Noosa H3 Committee – as the GM thanked us for putting on such a wonderful event
• Rocky– got the Shit Stirrer Award for wasting p*ss at the drink stop, he was pouring precious amber liquid in the park to water the plants
• Heaps of returnees, Florence (virgin), Black Goldfish (visitor from NZ), 2 young Danish peeps (lodgers) and other visitors which I can’t remember…
• Milestone awards –  Wetcheck, Kondom and Top Down
• Boobs – for annoying the sh*t out of the RA by showering her with beer
• Kaffir, DT & Leon – der Küchenchef (German Chefs) demonstrated with hand gestures how Bratwurst was made. Sausages will never taste the same again!
• The Madam (Mrs Kaffir, Val) & Bindy – der Küchenfrau (German Kitchen Maidens). Many thanks for running around and organising everything what the men had forgotten – which was most!
• Bindy & Leon – hostess and host

On the Deutsche Speisekarte (German Menu) were:

• Starters – Bratwurst sausages, paired with mustard
• Mains – pork, sauerkraut, red pickled cabbage, German potato salad and gravy
• Dessert – a huge black forest cake with ‘HHH’ iced on top, which was quickly demolished despite the bakery saying it would feed 100!

What a night of fun and festivities – thanks hares (Kaffir, Miss Belinda Snogs, Licorice Nipples). A massive thanks to the generosity of Bindy & Leon for opening up their home to host our Oktoberfest in style! Oom-pah-pah to next year’s Oktoberfest – PROST!!!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 9/10/23
Location: Noosa Waters
Hares: Nafa & Licker

Along Shipwright Ave in the heart of Noosa Waters suburbia was a little gazebo nestled amongst the bush. What seemed like a relatively safe place to set a run turned out to be more treacherous than imagined…

The smaller pack of hashers had the hare Nafa following along to ensure we weren’t short cutting too much. There was a runners and walkers split before we crossed the busy Eenie Creek Road. At that point Roobarb with Miss Millie in tow turned back as she didn’t want to go into the bush. Once crossing the road, Whistleblower thought she would have a closer inspection of the ground, while Top Down quickly grabbed some toilet paper trail to wipe the bloodly evidence. Shortly after that, while searching for trail at a check, All Fours thought she would get on all fours having got her foot caught in the vines. The trail went through the Eenie Creek Bushland Reserve where we encountered ‘Tent City’. We didn’t actually see anyone, just tents, rubbish and some elaborate set up of solar panels. Eventually we ventured back to civilisation, around the industrial area of Production Street and past the Noosa Civic Shopping Centre. Soon we crossed the Shorehaven Park, through the Shorehaven Bushland Reserve and back home to the safety of Noosa Waters.

The runners/walkers report was given by Ma’ Dog – it was long enough trail, along with Kaffir he did some extra curriculum trail so they could have a nosey at the big road accident with helicopters circling in the air, ambos and police sirens blaring. The runners trail turned out to be 6.90km which clearly wasn’t for the faint hearted!

Down downs were given to:

• Shit Stirrer Award: The f**king GM was too busy this week that she forgot to give out this award – does that mean she deserves to wear it for 2 weeks?
• Red Knob – apparently has big balls that aren’t very well balanced which has worn out one shoe and sometimes causes him to go around in circles…
• Milestone award: Whistleblower (25 runs) – YAYYY!
• Top Down – a long lost hasher who apologised profusely for not coming to hash, so she had to reintroduce herself
• Noddy gets the long walk award having to leave home to get to the hash – something like 350m, but at least he didn’t drive the car!
• Roobarb – obviously had inside information of not going into the bush but she did offer tea tree ointment for the wounded; Whistleblower – for falling over, then quietly told us she fell over again; All Fours – only had scarred one knee and a bruised big toe sprain
• Shazza- finally a naming 40 years in the making, she is named ‘Got Off’ because she got stopped by the cops, breathalysed, thrown in the paddy wagon, taken to the copshop to sober up and taken home again in the paddy wagon.
• Blameless asked Nafa what the answer was, which we all shouted all sorts of answers –namely ‘42’. Nafa went on to explain about the ‘tent city’ of homeless people who thought Nafa was from the Police/Council trying to evict them, so they had their guard dogs out ready to pounce.

Then there was the call from the Mexican cantina to roll your own warmed Burritos, filling them with pulled pork and accompaniments served by Holy Smoke and Licker. Thanks Nafa for the treacherous trail and an insight to Tent City and muchas gracias for the catering by Señorita Licker – Olé!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 2/10/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Reverse Thai King Thrust & Bedspringer

Crowds of Pilgrims (Hashers) flocked to the Tewantin Thai Palace to worship and celebrate the King’s 68th birthday.

Reverse Thrust announced that there would be his usual style of trail set – I thought it might have been the ‘keep turning right’ set of instructions with no arrows marked. We went out through the back gate, tall grass, Read Park Bushland Reserve and crossing over to the Noosa Sports Grounds. There was a walkers and runners split early on which led the runners around the oval. Breathless was actually on the runner’s trail and was seen looking for trail in the bushes with Licker. It did eventually take us around the cemetery where some markings were a bit scarce – the hare’s excuse was that he was worried the caretaker was going to remove all traces of trail. At the end of Outlook Drive, I thought it was a council worker in his hi-vis jacket on the side of the road, but instead it was the King’s refreshment stop. As we entered into the Alec Loveday Park, Wetcheck had a mishap but was fortunate there were many able to assist – even attention from the King himself. We ran along Cranks Creek, past the Doonella Wetlands Nature Refuge, over Poinciana Ave and a lap around the oval to home.

The walkers report was given by Hoarder – a well set trail, had an enjoyable threesome on trail as she was at the ‘tailend’ with Mother Trucker in the bush. Kaffir gave the runners report as he reckoned Hoarder had forgot everything, so he gave a detailed report instead!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Bob (Turtle’s bro), Dick Bender (Turtle was to blame – again)
• Shit Stirrer Award: Licker – when Red Knob asked her if she was going to the run tonight, she replied “of course I’m going – I’m the f**king GM!” An extra charge was for being a ‘honest’ person and giving Hash Cash $40 for raiding the bucket over the weekend
• Red Knob – the fashionista sporting the summer look of wearing shorts and showing off his legs, he also gave a fashion tip: you don’t have to wax you legs if you wear tight enough jeans as the hairs will just fall off!
• milestone award: Popeye (100 runs) – it did take him 5 years to earn it…
• Digit Digester and Wet Check – nurse Digit bandaged up Wet Check when she took a tumble but we wondered who was out doing who in the accident prone department?
• Bob somehow got named ‘Bonking’ – so when one king drinks, all kings drink – Sukkon (Scottish King), RT (Thai King) & Bonking (Turtle’s newly named brother). I think Licker should have been there too as she’s known as the F**KING GM…
• Birthdays – RT, Possum, Woof Woof, Miss Belinda Snoggs, Bonking
• Woof Woof & DT – next time you take your dog for walkies, make sure you pick up after them as the trail was full of dog turd!
• Kondom – had a second erection, apparently built a shit house that looks remarkably like a pool pump house at the Thai Palace.

After announcing the ‘lucky coupon free drink’ was won by Recharge, we tucked into the sumptuous feast from Mama’s Italian kitchen followed by birthday cake! No wonder Kaffir was confused – he asked if it was a restaurant run from the Thai Palace which served Italian cuisine!

We were blessed with a public holiday, good weather and a great turnout. Many thanks for the hospitality – Your Majesty (RT) & Your Royal Highness (BS) for throwing open your palace gates for yet another excellent hash night!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 25/9/23
Location: Noosa Spit
Hare: Popeye

It started really darn early – 4:57am to be precise! That was the time that Popeye sent me a text message – “can you add the start time of 5pm to the website page”. Was he confused with 5am an 5pm??! With such an early start, you’d expect millions of well set arrows up the stairs to the top of Upper Hasting Street, the Laguna Lookout, through the Noosa National Park or some exotic trail! Well, the hare didn’t exactly lie when he announced that there was some sort of sporadic markings – go along the beach and the pick up the trail along the boardwalk and then Hastings Street. More importantly, there were multiple drink stops at your choice and at your own expense!

A handful of hashers, gladly followed Next Week, All Fours and Licker onto the beach front but most took the less sandy route along the bushy track. It was quite a busy beach, Hastings Street with holiday goers, school holidays and of course – the Hashers! Towards the end of Hastings Street, Reverse Thrust and Bedspringer were the main instigators for a refreshing drink while Dun Rootin’ was eager to sip a G&T. At this ‘Gin Palace’ establishment, Weak As thought it was a little steep for charging $12 for a can of coke – not quite sure why he was drinking coke when last week he accused Ride On for trying to poison him with water at the drink stop! As we headed back through the Noosa Woods, the Noosa Botanic Gardens and carpark, Boobs who was seen striding ahead stopped by his car. At that moment, he yelled out with pain that he had got cramp – we all just ignored him and kept on going…

What a beautiful vista to the Noosa River Mouth/Entrance and across the sea as the sun was setting. Popeye and Jan whipped out their phones to capture the beauty while the rest of the rowdy hashers drank and chatted. The run report was given by Lunatic – a great, well marked run (probably All Four’s extra markings), scenic views, lots of people, sea, sun, sand, a wonderful walk which she scored 10/10!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: David & 6 Months of the Year (Melbourne) – Hoarder’s sister & brother in law, Jan (no hash name from Brisbane) – Bundy’s friend
• Shit Stirrer Award: Insultan – for feeling sorry for the unfortunate people with very little clothing on, where were those eyes wandering?
• Red Knob – for impersonating a hobo/homeless man with his worldly possessions strapped on his bike peddling around Tewantin
• Ride On – everyone following him at the start only to lead them to his car and not being on trail (Pied Piper?)
• 5 honourable milestone awards: Unremarkable (25 runs), Next Week, All Fours & Dun Rootin’ (50 runs), Boobs (600 runs)
• Recharge for living up to his hash name, ran out of battery juice on a long bike ride out of town – hasn’t he learnt already?
• Screamer & Unremarkable – Screamer recently declared on FB to the world that she’s in a relationship – it was to tell everyone (female and males) hands off her bloke rather than the announcement of an engagement (we can still have a party, can’t we?!)
• Reverse Thrust & Bedspringer for being the instigators for the drink stop @ the Gin Palace – apparently Reverse had 4 drinks!
• Boobs – on the way back he stops suddenly by his car, not that his knee was giving him trouble but he yells out that he’s got cramp somewhere else. There were some very keen onlookers wanting to help rub it better…

The free raffle (not the Chook Raffle) was won by DT. Thanks to the solo hare – Popeye for the random trail, roasted chicken and salad but most importantly the wonderful vista, banter and beers shared with fellow Hashers!

The morale of the story about the early bird is: “no matter how early you get up, you’ll end up getting roasted and eaten for dinner by the hashers!” (said the chicken)…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 18/9/23
Location: Sunshine Beach
Hares: Ride On & Roobarb

We gathered at Ed Webb Park in Sunshine Beach, half expecting to reach out to the sea and run along the sand where I’d be singing:

Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside
Oh, I do like to be beside the sea
Oh, I do like to stroll along the prom, prom, prom
Where the brass bands play tiddley-om-pom-pom
So, just let me be beside the seaside
I’ll be beside myself with glee… (may be Slurps did?!)

Alas, it was not to be as we ran parallel to the coastal track and sea and up Maher Terrace with an elevation of 127m to the Noosa National Park. But then, we only skirted along the edge of the National Park to head back into and passing luxurious large homes in the Sunshine Beach. There were plenty of checks, which Next Week managed to get most of them correct. We spotted a street named Corona St where I marked ‘C.Virus’ – I wonder how many hashers noticed that? With a walkers and runners split, the four dedicated hardcore runners – Weak As, Next Week, All Fours and Kaffir managed to stretch their legs a little with an added 2km loop. We managed to catch up with the walkers and soon there was the markings of ‘On Home’. We thought we had lost trail, seeing the promise of going home markings, but we had almost another 1km to go!

The circle was a shamble of hashers randomly forming a semicircle around the picnic table shelter. The run report was given by Next Week who gave a score of 6.85 out of 10 which was actually meant to be the distance but everyone misheard him. It would’ve be 10 out of 10 had it been a longer run but it was a good distance as we managed to catch up with the walkers near the end. The walkers report was given by our OBE, Longis Prongis – there were great hills, good markings but was sorely disappointed that there were so many short cutting basket cases!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Diane & Andy (Dorset) and happens to be Ma’ Dog’s sister, Sandra (NZ) is housesitting Licorice Nipple’s sister’s house
• Blameless or is he faultless? With his newly constructed super doper knee he does 12,000 steps in a day without leaving his house – apparently he’s strapped his fit bit to his dog and told it to come back in an hour!
• Shit Stirrer Award: Slurps for being the caring sharing person she is, having had a lovely walk down to the beach she wasn’t at least concerned with her friend Mother Trucker for not only being lost on trail but she could’ve be left lying on the side of the road! I think she was singing the above tune of being at the seaside…
• 3 lost little lambs: Wet Check, Mother Trucker, Hoarder – said they weren’t lost but got way laid instead, having stopped at 3 bars & 1 pub!
• Ride On – must’ve come prematurely when asked how far it was from the last marking of ‘On Home’ to the actual home as it was nearly 1km of teasing!
• Tail End & Hoarder – recognition of 450 runs (total of 900)! – we sang ‘get a life’ to them…
• Shazza was on the phone and we made too much noise during the circle for her to hear her conversation. She also needs a hash name – suggestions were: was she on Tinder? When Shazza met Bazza? Swipe Right or Left?
• Ride On got another one from Weak As, but his drink was an empty cup as he tried to ‘poison’ Weak As at the drink stop with water and not beer!
• Slurps had a birthday drink and song

An important piece of information from the GM: apparently if you haven’t had your leg over for a while you become a virgin again. If you want more details, phone this number 0469 696 969 (for a good time, ask for Licker)…

Thanks to the hares: Ride On, Roobarb (& Miss Millie) for the ham salad rolls, trail, fun and frivolity beside the seaside!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 11/9/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Noosa H3 Committee

They say cow manure come from males – but that’s bullsh*t! So, what does a farmer talk about when he’s milking a cow? Udder nonsense!

If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you’re probably just experiencing déjà-moo! That’s what it felt like when I came dressed in a cow onesie, I have never herd so many cow jokes. Unfortunately, I have to inform you all that it was an intersexual cow as it didn’t actually have an udder!

What a fab evening we had on our 3 course progressive dinner stagger around Tewantin, with 46 hashers and 1 cow come out of the woodwork! Even though the RA’s broken Anti Rain app didn’t deter this hardy lot with smattering of showers here and there! Most hashers got into the spirit of things by dressing up in their best Op Shop finery or may be that’s what they normally wear on non hash nights! We started at chez Breathless and had only gone 100m down the back of the houses on Butler St when we had our first casualty – Screamer falling down a HUGE rabbit hole! We were joined by a couple of kids on bikes, so interested in the events and what the hashers were doing – perhaps these are hashers in the making? Next Week and All Fours were on their bikes keeping the group together. All Fours rode ahead to take photos while Next Week was short cutting the slower walkers and rerouting the trail when we encountered the first downpour. With all the excitement most hashers forgot to take umbrellas and torches – both were needed!

Entrees were served at Kaffir’s garage on Hay St – a Potato & Corn Chowder Soup washed down with a drop of sweet Sherry. After some more rain, we waited before we ventured 500m down the end of Hay St along the water and through a private property of Elaine’s which she kindly let the rowdy Hashers use as a bypass. Mains was at Licorice Nipple’s on Ward St – Sarn Choy Baos with heaps of wine flowing! The hashers then staggered another 1km before Puds at Next Week & All Fours’ to enjoy their icecreams, chocolates and sucking port through chocolate fingers. After watching the rain come and go, it was back to Breathless’ for the circle around a gorgeous firepit to dry all your bits. I even got the comment about not standing too close to the fire as they liked their steaks rare…

Down downs were given to:

• Returnees: Munchin’ (broken bits for 18 months), Drover’s Dog (out & about), Shazza (no hash name yet, been in Europe), Noddy (just haven’t been to a run, although he arrived late), Nafa (somewhere in France)
• Run report: Reverse Thrust (a well marked trail, when it wasn’t raining, keeping everyone together at each of the courses, most enjoyable)
• Shit Stirrer Award: No one quite deserving tonight, perhaps it was because there weren’t enough virgins being sacrificed, even though Insultan put up his hand. Minder was nowhere to be found to name any spinsters!
• Turtle Luv tried to tell us a joke about a black guy, a white guy, lost the plot then Berocca had to step in to assist, then it was something about losing her sombrero & throwing red wine over at least 8 people
• Kaffir – for telling Noddy that the start of the run was @ 5:30pm, Noddy turned up at Breathless’ only to find nobody home but managed to find enough trail to make it to the 3rd course!
• Ma’ Dog told us a cow joke – something about standing up & not getting your arse wet?

There was plenty grog along the journey with Licker & Red Knob’s travelling Uber bucket from house to house. Many thanks to all the eateries in Tewantin, their hospitality and thanks to those to came along to enjoy themselves and made it a great night!

Some parting words/question: What do cows say when they hear a bad joke? I am not amoosed (with this udder nonsense)!!!

MOO MOO!
All Fours (on 2 wheels)

Date: Monday 4/9/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Slurps & Ma’ Dog

Tonight’s run in Tewantin was BLAMELESS! Therefore I, Ma’ Dog + Slurps, take no responsibility for the shit weather, lack of trail i.e. no arrows, length of the run, shortness of the walk, topography and no drink stop. You can’t get anymore blameless than that at Hash, no can you!

What a great day to lay a run ‘not’, howling winds, rain horizontal and a tad chilly. So much for the R.A.’s good weather app on her phone, about as useful as a one legged man, in an ass kicking contest! I did tried to set a run but to no avail and I got pissed on from a great height and all arrows deluged away. Yet low and behold, ten minutes before the run, the deluge stopped and the firking sun came out. Surprisingly, a good number of hashers turned out for the run, like Kondom & Wetcheck, all the way from Buderim, which put our local ‘pikers’ to shame.

At 5pm on the dot, we set off, or maybe not? We had to wait for Ride-on to change his glasses but it didn’t make any difference, he’s still looks an ugly old bastard. So, I improvised – I gave the runners my trail marked map and took the walkers backwards through old Tewantin. We sort of made it up as we went along, heading up Ward Street, with inputs from our two ‘arty farty’s’ Woof Woof & Whistleblower. Kondom, the resident Octogenarian, kept up a fine pace and dragged along Sir Minder, who surprisingly lasted the distance. The runners, All Fours & Next Week, with Licker, the birthday girl keeping up the rear, passed us twice enroute, which was good to see. I think the walkers managed about just over 3kms and the runners 5.3km, as they shortcut a little bit. At the end of our run we headed back down Ward Street, through the park and home. Some of the walkers were a bit slow on the uptake and were confused, as the arrows were facing the wrong way doh! Forgetting I didn’t lay any, it was actually All Fours doing it for the runners, as she went – told you it’s not my fault!

When we arrived back, Slurps my illustrious co-hare, had exceeded herself, flipping burgers and chicken schnitzels, with DT on the onions and cooked the nosh too early. Trying to assist Slurps a plethora of hashers tried to ignite the two spare BBQ’s. We read the instructions, pressed the said button for 6 seconds but no joy. Only later we realised we were pressing the decal, explaining the operation, not the ‘ON’ button on the right and it’s not my fault we hadn’t been drinking enough! It was just one of those ‘Reverse’ nights and so we did food first and the ‘Circle’ after and Reverse Thrust was in attendance too.

For the ‘Circle’ we welcomed back our resident ‘Song Mistress’ Possum, whose absence for a month, has seen our song repertoire, into a decline. As Boobs so aptly mentioned, just the same old song reiterated, again & again. So, to hear her foghorn like vocal cords, waxing lyrical, with her renditions of Hash songs, was wonderful. Many charges were laid, me getting four, including the ‘Hashit’ toilet seat, for shit stirring, as though I’m ever guilty of that. Popeye, ‘cos his dog Thunderbolt (who was so SHIT scared of the lightning) did a huge sloppy dump and he apparently neglected to pick it up (not the dog’s fault that Popeye fed him curry). DT for getting an earful from his better half Woof Woof and not remembering why? Our GM ‘Licker’ for her cumming of age today, somewhere between 45 & 70, that’s the age bit, not the cumming!

Licker reminded us about the ‘progressive dinner stagger’ next week, starting at the Breathless’ abode and ending back there, so put it in your social calendar you old farts, somewhere between, lawn bowls, bingo and line dancing! BTW, it’s not my fault that Licker’s poster had the wrong date of 12 September instead of 11 September!

On On
Ma’ Dog (aka Hashit)

Date: Monday 28/8/23
Location: Cooroy
Hares: Haybales & Mozzie

Despite a smaller, elite group of 21 hashers today, we embarked on a perilous journey through the treacherous bush and enchanting creek of Cooroy, and through the newer housing estates. Armed with naught but a sense of humour and no map, we ventured forth to explore the hidden gems of this peculiar suburban labyrinth. Buckle up, for you’re about to be regaled with tales of our escapades through the pathways through the houses, where laughter was the ultimate prize especially when you encounter wildlife or tamer creatures…

Our journey commenced at Apex Park with Next Week and Weak As leading the pack west, completely ignoring any trail markings that was not to their liking. Deciphering the cryptic signs, the hash quickly reached the drink stop. The ambling enthusiasts zig-zagged their way through hidden pathways and through the town back towards the bucket – a snappy 3.6km.

Lunatic’s walkers report about a lengthy two hour trail through the rainforest proved to be a canard. Lech let Lunatic give the report first, which made his runners report easy by adding ditto, ditto, ditto, a lovely well marked trail and all back in time to visit the loo on the way home.

Down downs were given to:

• Weak As – he did look quite zaftig at the drink stop as he complained about being out of shape, but we all know that round is a shape. Licker commented on how well the pregnant woman looked running across the park, only to discover that it was Weak As!
• Visitors/returnees: Crum & Crumpet (Sydney), Reversio Trusto (the Italian Stallion – 15 weeks in 15 beds) can now name every pizza there is and wash it down with 3 bottles of vino rosso!
• Shit Stirrer Award: All Fours – should really be the Entertainment Award for marking sightings of pussies and ducks. Doesn’t everyone just love a ginger pussycat?
• The free raffle went to Crumpet – I think there’s something about visitors always winning the free raffles! Later on, Lech asked if the raffle had been drawn – he wasn’t even standing next to Holy Smoke to be prompted!
• Dun Rootin’ – has done it again when she turned up at the hash grinning from ear to ear, even though Jungle Jim’s gone back to Sydney. Apparently, she brought a big stick so she can lure or beat her catch for the day. She was seen running after some lucky punter (or was that the other way round?)
• Next Week for noticing the run was very different tonight, perhaps it was going anti clock wise direction but last week Next Week was in Cooroy, this week and next week too. Perhaps the trail might be different next time?
• Slurps – All Fours was helping a damsel in distress by offering to give her a push from behind up the mound and the thanks that All Fours got was a clobber around the head!
• Slurps & Hoarder were busy chattering along the run while everyone was back for hours waiting – only to find out the pair went off to the loo and was way laid by chatting to another ex hasher.

This may be a piece of nugatory information, but did you know that a ginger cat brings ‘GOOD LUCK’. In contrast, ginger cats symbolise leadership, and encountering one is thought to bring good fortune in friendships, prosperity, and wealth. One of the reasons why having a ginger cat brings luck is that they protect their owners from evil spirits through their playful behaviour. So, for all those who spotted the ‘marked’ ginger pussy, you are LUCKY, so buy yourselves a lottery ticket this Saturday!

When the circle closed, we were served hot chicken, rolls and salad. Thanks to the hares Haybales and Mozzie – a short and sweet little run…

On On
All PAWS Fours