Date: Monday 9/10/23
Location: Noosa Waters
Hares: Nafa & Licker

Along Shipwright Ave in the heart of Noosa Waters suburbia was a little gazebo nestled amongst the bush. What seemed like a relatively safe place to set a run turned out to be more treacherous than imagined…

The smaller pack of hashers had the hare Nafa following along to ensure we weren’t short cutting too much. There was a runners and walkers split before we crossed the busy Eenie Creek Road. At that point Roobarb with Miss Millie in tow turned back as she didn’t want to go into the bush. Once crossing the road, Whistleblower thought she would have a closer inspection of the ground, while Top Down quickly grabbed some toilet paper trail to wipe the bloodly evidence. Shortly after that, while searching for trail at a check, All Fours thought she would get on all fours having got her foot caught in the vines. The trail went through the Eenie Creek Bushland Reserve where we encountered ‘Tent City’. We didn’t actually see anyone, just tents, rubbish and some elaborate set up of solar panels. Eventually we ventured back to civilisation, around the industrial area of Production Street and past the Noosa Civic Shopping Centre. Soon we crossed the Shorehaven Park, through the Shorehaven Bushland Reserve and back home to the safety of Noosa Waters.

The runners/walkers report was given by Ma’ Dog – it was long enough trail, along with Kaffir he did some extra curriculum trail so they could have a nosey at the big road accident with helicopters circling in the air, ambos and police sirens blaring. The runners trail turned out to be 6.90km which clearly wasn’t for the faint hearted!

Down downs were given to:

• Shit Stirrer Award: The f**king GM was too busy this week that she forgot to give out this award – does that mean she deserves to wear it for 2 weeks?
• Red Knob – apparently has big balls that aren’t very well balanced which has worn out one shoe and sometimes causes him to go around in circles…
• Milestone award: Whistleblower (25 runs) – YAYYY!
• Top Down – a long lost hasher who apologised profusely for not coming to hash, so she had to reintroduce herself
• Noddy gets the long walk award having to leave home to get to the hash – something like 350m, but at least he didn’t drive the car!
• Roobarb – obviously had inside information of not going into the bush but she did offer tea tree ointment for the wounded; Whistleblower – for falling over, then quietly told us she fell over again; All Fours – only had scarred one knee and a bruised big toe sprain
• Shazza- finally a naming 40 years in the making, she is named ‘Got Off’ because she got stopped by the cops, breathalysed, thrown in the paddy wagon, taken to the copshop to sober up and taken home again in the paddy wagon.
• Blameless asked Nafa what the answer was, which we all shouted all sorts of answers –namely ‘42’. Nafa went on to explain about the ‘tent city’ of homeless people who thought Nafa was from the Police/Council trying to evict them, so they had their guard dogs out ready to pounce.

Then there was the call from the Mexican cantina to roll your own warmed Burritos, filling them with pulled pork and accompaniments served by Holy Smoke and Licker. Thanks Nafa for the treacherous trail and an insight to Tent City and muchas gracias for the catering by Señorita Licker – Olé!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 2/10/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Reverse Thai King Thrust & Bedspringer

Crowds of Pilgrims (Hashers) flocked to the Tewantin Thai Palace to worship and celebrate the King’s 68th birthday.

Reverse Thrust announced that there would be his usual style of trail set – I thought it might have been the ‘keep turning right’ set of instructions with no arrows marked. We went out through the back gate, tall grass, Read Park Bushland Reserve and crossing over to the Noosa Sports Grounds. There was a walkers and runners split early on which led the runners around the oval. Breathless was actually on the runner’s trail and was seen looking for trail in the bushes with Licker. It did eventually take us around the cemetery where some markings were a bit scarce – the hare’s excuse was that he was worried the caretaker was going to remove all traces of trail. At the end of Outlook Drive, I thought it was a council worker in his hi-vis jacket on the side of the road, but instead it was the King’s refreshment stop. As we entered into the Alec Loveday Park, Wetcheck had a mishap but was fortunate there were many able to assist – even attention from the King himself. We ran along Cranks Creek, past the Doonella Wetlands Nature Refuge, over Poinciana Ave and a lap around the oval to home.

The walkers report was given by Hoarder – a well set trail, had an enjoyable threesome on trail as she was at the ‘tailend’ with Mother Trucker in the bush. Kaffir gave the runners report as he reckoned Hoarder had forgot everything, so he gave a detailed report instead!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Bob (Turtle’s bro), Dick Bender (Turtle was to blame – again)
• Shit Stirrer Award: Licker – when Red Knob asked her if she was going to the run tonight, she replied “of course I’m going – I’m the f**king GM!” An extra charge was for being a ‘honest’ person and giving Hash Cash $40 for raiding the bucket over the weekend
• Red Knob – the fashionista sporting the summer look of wearing shorts and showing off his legs, he also gave a fashion tip: you don’t have to wax you legs if you wear tight enough jeans as the hairs will just fall off!
• milestone award: Popeye (100 runs) – it did take him 5 years to earn it…
• Digit Digester and Wet Check – nurse Digit bandaged up Wet Check when she took a tumble but we wondered who was out doing who in the accident prone department?
• Bob somehow got named ‘Bonking’ – so when one king drinks, all kings drink – Sukkon (Scottish King), RT (Thai King) & Bonking (Turtle’s newly named brother). I think Licker should have been there too as she’s known as the F**KING GM…
• Birthdays – RT, Possum, Woof Woof, Miss Belinda Snoggs, Bonking
• Woof Woof & DT – next time you take your dog for walkies, make sure you pick up after them as the trail was full of dog turd!
• Kondom – had a second erection, apparently built a shit house that looks remarkably like a pool pump house at the Thai Palace.

After announcing the ‘lucky coupon free drink’ was won by Recharge, we tucked into the sumptuous feast from Mama’s Italian kitchen followed by birthday cake! No wonder Kaffir was confused – he asked if it was a restaurant run from the Thai Palace which served Italian cuisine!

We were blessed with a public holiday, good weather and a great turnout. Many thanks for the hospitality – Your Majesty (RT) & Your Royal Highness (BS) for throwing open your palace gates for yet another excellent hash night!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 25/9/23
Location: Noosa Spit
Hare: Popeye

It started really darn early – 4:57am to be precise! That was the time that Popeye sent me a text message – “can you add the start time of 5pm to the website page”. Was he confused with 5am an 5pm??! With such an early start, you’d expect millions of well set arrows up the stairs to the top of Upper Hasting Street, the Laguna Lookout, through the Noosa National Park or some exotic trail! Well, the hare didn’t exactly lie when he announced that there was some sort of sporadic markings – go along the beach and the pick up the trail along the boardwalk and then Hastings Street. More importantly, there were multiple drink stops at your choice and at your own expense!

A handful of hashers, gladly followed Next Week, All Fours and Licker onto the beach front but most took the less sandy route along the bushy track. It was quite a busy beach, Hastings Street with holiday goers, school holidays and of course – the Hashers! Towards the end of Hastings Street, Reverse Thrust and Bedspringer were the main instigators for a refreshing drink while Dun Rootin’ was eager to sip a G&T. At this ‘Gin Palace’ establishment, Weak As thought it was a little steep for charging $12 for a can of coke – not quite sure why he was drinking coke when last week he accused Ride On for trying to poison him with water at the drink stop! As we headed back through the Noosa Woods, the Noosa Botanic Gardens and carpark, Boobs who was seen striding ahead stopped by his car. At that moment, he yelled out with pain that he had got cramp – we all just ignored him and kept on going…

What a beautiful vista to the Noosa River Mouth/Entrance and across the sea as the sun was setting. Popeye and Jan whipped out their phones to capture the beauty while the rest of the rowdy hashers drank and chatted. The run report was given by Lunatic – a great, well marked run (probably All Four’s extra markings), scenic views, lots of people, sea, sun, sand, a wonderful walk which she scored 10/10!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: David & 6 Months of the Year (Melbourne) – Hoarder’s sister & brother in law, Jan (no hash name from Brisbane) – Bundy’s friend
• Shit Stirrer Award: Insultan – for feeling sorry for the unfortunate people with very little clothing on, where were those eyes wandering?
• Red Knob – for impersonating a hobo/homeless man with his worldly possessions strapped on his bike peddling around Tewantin
• Ride On – everyone following him at the start only to lead them to his car and not being on trail (Pied Piper?)
• 5 honourable milestone awards: Unremarkable (25 runs), Next Week, All Fours & Dun Rootin’ (50 runs), Boobs (600 runs)
• Recharge for living up to his hash name, ran out of battery juice on a long bike ride out of town – hasn’t he learnt already?
• Screamer & Unremarkable – Screamer recently declared on FB to the world that she’s in a relationship – it was to tell everyone (female and males) hands off her bloke rather than the announcement of an engagement (we can still have a party, can’t we?!)
• Reverse Thrust & Bedspringer for being the instigators for the drink stop @ the Gin Palace – apparently Reverse had 4 drinks!
• Boobs – on the way back he stops suddenly by his car, not that his knee was giving him trouble but he yells out that he’s got cramp somewhere else. There were some very keen onlookers wanting to help rub it better…

The free raffle (not the Chook Raffle) was won by DT. Thanks to the solo hare – Popeye for the random trail, roasted chicken and salad but most importantly the wonderful vista, banter and beers shared with fellow Hashers!

The morale of the story about the early bird is: “no matter how early you get up, you’ll end up getting roasted and eaten for dinner by the hashers!” (said the chicken)…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 18/9/23
Location: Sunshine Beach
Hares: Ride On & Roobarb

We gathered at Ed Webb Park in Sunshine Beach, half expecting to reach out to the sea and run along the sand where I’d be singing:

Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside
Oh, I do like to be beside the sea
Oh, I do like to stroll along the prom, prom, prom
Where the brass bands play tiddley-om-pom-pom
So, just let me be beside the seaside
I’ll be beside myself with glee… (may be Slurps did?!)

Alas, it was not to be as we ran parallel to the coastal track and sea and up Maher Terrace with an elevation of 127m to the Noosa National Park. But then, we only skirted along the edge of the National Park to head back into and passing luxurious large homes in the Sunshine Beach. There were plenty of checks, which Next Week managed to get most of them correct. We spotted a street named Corona St where I marked ‘C.Virus’ – I wonder how many hashers noticed that? With a walkers and runners split, the four dedicated hardcore runners – Weak As, Next Week, All Fours and Kaffir managed to stretch their legs a little with an added 2km loop. We managed to catch up with the walkers and soon there was the markings of ‘On Home’. We thought we had lost trail, seeing the promise of going home markings, but we had almost another 1km to go!

The circle was a shamble of hashers randomly forming a semicircle around the picnic table shelter. The run report was given by Next Week who gave a score of 6.85 out of 10 which was actually meant to be the distance but everyone misheard him. It would’ve be 10 out of 10 had it been a longer run but it was a good distance as we managed to catch up with the walkers near the end. The walkers report was given by our OBE, Longis Prongis – there were great hills, good markings but was sorely disappointed that there were so many short cutting basket cases!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Diane & Andy (Dorset) and happens to be Ma’ Dog’s sister, Sandra (NZ) is housesitting Licorice Nipple’s sister’s house
• Blameless or is he faultless? With his newly constructed super doper knee he does 12,000 steps in a day without leaving his house – apparently he’s strapped his fit bit to his dog and told it to come back in an hour!
• Shit Stirrer Award: Slurps for being the caring sharing person she is, having had a lovely walk down to the beach she wasn’t at least concerned with her friend Mother Trucker for not only being lost on trail but she could’ve be left lying on the side of the road! I think she was singing the above tune of being at the seaside…
• 3 lost little lambs: Wet Check, Mother Trucker, Hoarder – said they weren’t lost but got way laid instead, having stopped at 3 bars & 1 pub!
• Ride On – must’ve come prematurely when asked how far it was from the last marking of ‘On Home’ to the actual home as it was nearly 1km of teasing!
• Tail End & Hoarder – recognition of 450 runs (total of 900)! – we sang ‘get a life’ to them…
• Shazza was on the phone and we made too much noise during the circle for her to hear her conversation. She also needs a hash name – suggestions were: was she on Tinder? When Shazza met Bazza? Swipe Right or Left?
• Ride On got another one from Weak As, but his drink was an empty cup as he tried to ‘poison’ Weak As at the drink stop with water and not beer!
• Slurps had a birthday drink and song

An important piece of information from the GM: apparently if you haven’t had your leg over for a while you become a virgin again. If you want more details, phone this number 0469 696 969 (for a good time, ask for Licker)…

Thanks to the hares: Ride On, Roobarb (& Miss Millie) for the ham salad rolls, trail, fun and frivolity beside the seaside!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 11/9/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Noosa H3 Committee

They say cow manure come from males – but that’s bullsh*t! So, what does a farmer talk about when he’s milking a cow? Udder nonsense!

If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you’re probably just experiencing déjà-moo! That’s what it felt like when I came dressed in a cow onesie, I have never herd so many cow jokes. Unfortunately, I have to inform you all that it was an intersexual cow as it didn’t actually have an udder!

What a fab evening we had on our 3 course progressive dinner stagger around Tewantin, with 46 hashers and 1 cow come out of the woodwork! Even though the RA’s broken Anti Rain app didn’t deter this hardy lot with smattering of showers here and there! Most hashers got into the spirit of things by dressing up in their best Op Shop finery or may be that’s what they normally wear on non hash nights! We started at chez Breathless and had only gone 100m down the back of the houses on Butler St when we had our first casualty – Screamer falling down a HUGE rabbit hole! We were joined by a couple of kids on bikes, so interested in the events and what the hashers were doing – perhaps these are hashers in the making? Next Week and All Fours were on their bikes keeping the group together. All Fours rode ahead to take photos while Next Week was short cutting the slower walkers and rerouting the trail when we encountered the first downpour. With all the excitement most hashers forgot to take umbrellas and torches – both were needed!

Entrees were served at Kaffir’s garage on Hay St – a Potato & Corn Chowder Soup washed down with a drop of sweet Sherry. After some more rain, we waited before we ventured 500m down the end of Hay St along the water and through a private property of Elaine’s which she kindly let the rowdy Hashers use as a bypass. Mains was at Licorice Nipple’s on Ward St – Sarn Choy Baos with heaps of wine flowing! The hashers then staggered another 1km before Puds at Next Week & All Fours’ to enjoy their icecreams, chocolates and sucking port through chocolate fingers. After watching the rain come and go, it was back to Breathless’ for the circle around a gorgeous firepit to dry all your bits. I even got the comment about not standing too close to the fire as they liked their steaks rare…

Down downs were given to:

• Returnees: Munchin’ (broken bits for 18 months), Drover’s Dog (out & about), Shazza (no hash name yet, been in Europe), Noddy (just haven’t been to a run, although he arrived late), Nafa (somewhere in France)
• Run report: Reverse Thrust (a well marked trail, when it wasn’t raining, keeping everyone together at each of the courses, most enjoyable)
• Shit Stirrer Award: No one quite deserving tonight, perhaps it was because there weren’t enough virgins being sacrificed, even though Insultan put up his hand. Minder was nowhere to be found to name any spinsters!
• Turtle Luv tried to tell us a joke about a black guy, a white guy, lost the plot then Berocca had to step in to assist, then it was something about losing her sombrero & throwing red wine over at least 8 people
• Kaffir – for telling Noddy that the start of the run was @ 5:30pm, Noddy turned up at Breathless’ only to find nobody home but managed to find enough trail to make it to the 3rd course!
• Ma’ Dog told us a cow joke – something about standing up & not getting your arse wet?

There was plenty grog along the journey with Licker & Red Knob’s travelling Uber bucket from house to house. Many thanks to all the eateries in Tewantin, their hospitality and thanks to those to came along to enjoy themselves and made it a great night!

Some parting words/question: What do cows say when they hear a bad joke? I am not amoosed (with this udder nonsense)!!!

MOO MOO!
All Fours (on 2 wheels)

Date: Monday 4/9/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Slurps & Ma’ Dog

Tonight’s run in Tewantin was BLAMELESS! Therefore I, Ma’ Dog + Slurps, take no responsibility for the shit weather, lack of trail i.e. no arrows, length of the run, shortness of the walk, topography and no drink stop. You can’t get anymore blameless than that at Hash, no can you!

What a great day to lay a run ‘not’, howling winds, rain horizontal and a tad chilly. So much for the R.A.’s good weather app on her phone, about as useful as a one legged man, in an ass kicking contest! I did tried to set a run but to no avail and I got pissed on from a great height and all arrows deluged away. Yet low and behold, ten minutes before the run, the deluge stopped and the firking sun came out. Surprisingly, a good number of hashers turned out for the run, like Kondom & Wetcheck, all the way from Buderim, which put our local ‘pikers’ to shame.

At 5pm on the dot, we set off, or maybe not? We had to wait for Ride-on to change his glasses but it didn’t make any difference, he’s still looks an ugly old bastard. So, I improvised – I gave the runners my trail marked map and took the walkers backwards through old Tewantin. We sort of made it up as we went along, heading up Ward Street, with inputs from our two ‘arty farty’s’ Woof Woof & Whistleblower. Kondom, the resident Octogenarian, kept up a fine pace and dragged along Sir Minder, who surprisingly lasted the distance. The runners, All Fours & Next Week, with Licker, the birthday girl keeping up the rear, passed us twice enroute, which was good to see. I think the walkers managed about just over 3kms and the runners 5.3km, as they shortcut a little bit. At the end of our run we headed back down Ward Street, through the park and home. Some of the walkers were a bit slow on the uptake and were confused, as the arrows were facing the wrong way doh! Forgetting I didn’t lay any, it was actually All Fours doing it for the runners, as she went – told you it’s not my fault!

When we arrived back, Slurps my illustrious co-hare, had exceeded herself, flipping burgers and chicken schnitzels, with DT on the onions and cooked the nosh too early. Trying to assist Slurps a plethora of hashers tried to ignite the two spare BBQ’s. We read the instructions, pressed the said button for 6 seconds but no joy. Only later we realised we were pressing the decal, explaining the operation, not the ‘ON’ button on the right and it’s not my fault we hadn’t been drinking enough! It was just one of those ‘Reverse’ nights and so we did food first and the ‘Circle’ after and Reverse Thrust was in attendance too.

For the ‘Circle’ we welcomed back our resident ‘Song Mistress’ Possum, whose absence for a month, has seen our song repertoire, into a decline. As Boobs so aptly mentioned, just the same old song reiterated, again & again. So, to hear her foghorn like vocal cords, waxing lyrical, with her renditions of Hash songs, was wonderful. Many charges were laid, me getting four, including the ‘Hashit’ toilet seat, for shit stirring, as though I’m ever guilty of that. Popeye, ‘cos his dog Thunderbolt (who was so SHIT scared of the lightning) did a huge sloppy dump and he apparently neglected to pick it up (not the dog’s fault that Popeye fed him curry). DT for getting an earful from his better half Woof Woof and not remembering why? Our GM ‘Licker’ for her cumming of age today, somewhere between 45 & 70, that’s the age bit, not the cumming!

Licker reminded us about the ‘progressive dinner stagger’ next week, starting at the Breathless’ abode and ending back there, so put it in your social calendar you old farts, somewhere between, lawn bowls, bingo and line dancing! BTW, it’s not my fault that Licker’s poster had the wrong date of 12 September instead of 11 September!

On On
Ma’ Dog (aka Hashit)

Date: Monday 28/8/23
Location: Cooroy
Hares: Haybales & Mozzie

Despite a smaller, elite group of 21 hashers today, we embarked on a perilous journey through the treacherous bush and enchanting creek of Cooroy, and through the newer housing estates. Armed with naught but a sense of humour and no map, we ventured forth to explore the hidden gems of this peculiar suburban labyrinth. Buckle up, for you’re about to be regaled with tales of our escapades through the pathways through the houses, where laughter was the ultimate prize especially when you encounter wildlife or tamer creatures…

Our journey commenced at Apex Park with Next Week and Weak As leading the pack west, completely ignoring any trail markings that was not to their liking. Deciphering the cryptic signs, the hash quickly reached the drink stop. The ambling enthusiasts zig-zagged their way through hidden pathways and through the town back towards the bucket – a snappy 3.6km.

Lunatic’s walkers report about a lengthy two hour trail through the rainforest proved to be a canard. Lech let Lunatic give the report first, which made his runners report easy by adding ditto, ditto, ditto, a lovely well marked trail and all back in time to visit the loo on the way home.

Down downs were given to:

• Weak As – he did look quite zaftig at the drink stop as he complained about being out of shape, but we all know that round is a shape. Licker commented on how well the pregnant woman looked running across the park, only to discover that it was Weak As!
• Visitors/returnees: Crum & Crumpet (Sydney), Reversio Trusto (the Italian Stallion – 15 weeks in 15 beds) can now name every pizza there is and wash it down with 3 bottles of vino rosso!
• Shit Stirrer Award: All Fours – should really be the Entertainment Award for marking sightings of pussies and ducks. Doesn’t everyone just love a ginger pussycat?
• The free raffle went to Crumpet – I think there’s something about visitors always winning the free raffles! Later on, Lech asked if the raffle had been drawn – he wasn’t even standing next to Holy Smoke to be prompted!
• Dun Rootin’ – has done it again when she turned up at the hash grinning from ear to ear, even though Jungle Jim’s gone back to Sydney. Apparently, she brought a big stick so she can lure or beat her catch for the day. She was seen running after some lucky punter (or was that the other way round?)
• Next Week for noticing the run was very different tonight, perhaps it was going anti clock wise direction but last week Next Week was in Cooroy, this week and next week too. Perhaps the trail might be different next time?
• Slurps – All Fours was helping a damsel in distress by offering to give her a push from behind up the mound and the thanks that All Fours got was a clobber around the head!
• Slurps & Hoarder were busy chattering along the run while everyone was back for hours waiting – only to find out the pair went off to the loo and was way laid by chatting to another ex hasher.

This may be a piece of nugatory information, but did you know that a ginger cat brings ‘GOOD LUCK’. In contrast, ginger cats symbolise leadership, and encountering one is thought to bring good fortune in friendships, prosperity, and wealth. One of the reasons why having a ginger cat brings luck is that they protect their owners from evil spirits through their playful behaviour. So, for all those who spotted the ‘marked’ ginger pussy, you are LUCKY, so buy yourselves a lottery ticket this Saturday!

When the circle closed, we were served hot chicken, rolls and salad. Thanks to the hares Haybales and Mozzie – a short and sweet little run…

On On
All PAWS Fours

Date: Monday 21/8/23
Location: Tewantin
Hares: Your illustrious Noosa Hash Committee

WOW, another virgin territory run – well, it was for me anyhow! Your illustrious Noosa Hash Committee wanted to give back to our wonderful members with free ferry and free pizzas washed down with a free drink.

Hashers started to arrive from 4:30pm down at the end of Moorindil Street to catch the ferry over to the North Shore. Kaffir and Next Week took their cars, loaded with passengers across the waters and ferried them to the start of the trail. Slowly, but surely we had a core group of 27 hashers and 3 wallabies ready to go.

The trail essentially went through bush and sandy paths with lots of check that kept the entire group together that even walkers did some checks! The trail was laid with flour but most checks had to be marked with logs/branches/sticks. It was not a good idea to hang around the checks too long as I could hear mozzies circling. When we came to the crossing at Beach Road, there was Kaffir chauffeuring a late Weak As to join us for the remainder of the run. No sooner had we crossed the road, we were back into the bushland where there was a check. Weak As took off right as he said we must head towards the sun to go home. Somehow, he saw imaginary arrows and we followed him blindly like sheep (to the slaughter).The correct trail was over the gate and skirting around someone’s property and back onto the road where Kaffir was in his car waiting anxiously to point us in the right direction. Fortunately, as we hit the road it was just starting to get dark but we managed to find our way back to the ferry without being dazzled too much with the headlights of oncoming cars. The ferry came back over from the other side without any vehicles or passengers so we felt we had our own personal vessel – it was even driven by an ex Darwin Hasher!

Back on this side of the river, we were treated to Breathless’ washing machine firepit and the GM’s entrée ‘subs’ all laid out on the table. This was shortly followed by an array of pizzas and lots of red wine consumed. The circle then took place around the fire with Weak As toasting his pizzas. Weak As gave the runners report of half the trail he did. Kaffir drove him in the car to join us but he wanted to get out quickly as Kaffir was playing songs on his stereo like ‘Sexually Healing’. The walkers report was given by Turner (who hasn’t been around much lately), thought the walk was most delightful, well marked, a good distance, scenic, very different but only scored it 3/10.

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Geographically Naïve (Northern Beaches H3, Sydney), Cinderella (Posh & Northern Beaches H3, Sydney)
• Breathless & DT – both retired people trying to keep healthy & fit by buying new e-bikes. On the first day of using their e-bikes Breathless encountered a tree while DT had the concrete pavement jump out from nowhere (he also needs ribs & teeth fixing)
• Boobs & Kondom – while running past them, they said they were both elderly gentlemen – I said I saw the elderly but didn’t see the gentlemen!
• Shit Stirrer Award: Boobs – trying to hump Slurps while she was busying tidying up
• Holy Smoke for organising a fabulous day out at the Gympie Races on Saturday, but she still wants to know if the raffle has been drawn!
• Licorice Nipples for kicking the bucket which caused all the lights to go out!
• Lech & Kondom – the birthday boys are celebrating their 75th & 80th
• Miss Lucky Pants – Berocca won big time at the races after bugging Lunatic for tips as she had picked the first 3 winning races, but decided to pick Kappa Cino with odds 17 to 1 to win $$$!
• Turner – next time she returns to the hash, she must learn some manners having thrown up the ‘hot & spicy’ chilli pizza everywhere, fortunately we didn’t have to worry about cleaning up the restaurant floor or tables!

Thank you to the committee for the (mostly) free night, but no thanks to the mozzies that came out in force for that free feeding frenzy as I counted 50 bites (and still itching)…

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 14/8/23
Location: Verrierdale
Hares: Whistleblower

Hurrah! A run set in the wilds of Noosa, called Eumundi Conservation Park in Verrierdale. The hare, Whistleblower was well prepared at the start handing out maps to the bucket/On Inn. She even pointed out for the geographically challenged map readers (females), which direction Dean Road was in case they headed in the wrong way.

Off we went down the Blackbutt Trail with a few checks along the way with signposts pointing to tracks 1,2,3 but still we continue along the Blackbutt Loop until we came to the runners and walkers well marked split at the intersection of Figbird Track, Geebung Circuit, Ironbark Trail. The walkers peeled off along the Figbird Track, while the runners ventured down Ironbark Trail. We then turned off to the Geebung Circuit and back onto Figbird Track to home! By the time the runners got back on their 6km run, the walkers had disappeared off in their cars to the On Inn. The hare, again being very responsible waited patiently until every hasher was back and accounted for.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a very inviting massive bonfire was awaiting despite the temperature being 26oC today! Breathless gave the walkers report, while Kaffir did the runners report. Accordingly, it was the best set run, great markings and checks (Woof Woof said you could see it from the moon!), great bush location, didn’t see another soul, no traffic, no bikes – just nature and 31 hashers!

Down downs were given to:

• Visitors: Jungle Jim (Sydney Posh), Tex (Melbourne)
• Whistleblower & Wet Check – both are great time keepers. Wet Check’s watch is 6 mins slow, while Whistleblower got to her run on time this week for an earlier start of 4:30pm but previously thought she’d thought she arrived on time at 5pm but the run started at 4:30pm
• Lech was standing alone on his own as he must’ve farted – he tried to tell us what he’d had for lunch…
• Shit Stirrer Award: Haybales – when everyone was enjoying the lovely snacks laid out on the table, he didn’t want anyone else to have them so he decided to chuck them all over the floor and feed it to the dog instead
• Dun Rootin’ apparently got one last night – was it from Jungle Jim or was it some other unsuspecting bloke down at the pub?
• Bundy & Holy Smoke went around and around in circles for ages in the park as the pair of them have dodgy right sided hips
• Boobs was rubbing his leg furiously when Woof Woof chipped in and said it wasn’t that big. He was hoping the rubbing might make it bigger…

With such a fab fire that lit up the sky, there were still no virgins or spinsters sacrificed as Minder is yet to name one or two! We were then served hot potatoes and chili con carne cooked by Tripod (Mr Whistleblower) while the trail was set by Whistleblower and ably assisted by Woof Woof. Thanks Whistleblower and Tripod for your hospitality, food and the trail out in the wilderness!

On On
All Fours

Date: Monday 7/8/23
Location: Tewantin Party Central
Hares: Bundy & Boobs

The RA’s Anti Rain app was clearly working in favour of the Noosa Hash as showers were forecast for the day and most thought it might be a quick stroll with umbrellas around the block. A reasonable good turnout (for Winter) of approximately 35 hardy souls rocked up at Party Central. Boobs had lots of instructions at the start of the run which went in one ear and out the other! There was something about SH1(T) trail markings and SH2, SH3…

As we headed down the end of Cambucca Court, Digit Digestor came late screaming around the corner in her car after the run had started and she even left early. The trail led us through a few parks – Sundial and Furness Drive, over Beckmans Road and into the bushy national park along the Hovea Track. We eventually came out via the Wooroi Day Area and back into civilisation of Tewantin. Along the Cooroy Noosa Road, we wondered when we would encounter one of the ‘ST’ markings or if the hare was only messing with us just to see if anyone was paying attention. Finally, I spotted the first one before we turned down St Andrews Drive – this would still be a reasonable lengthy walk for any shortcutter. Down the final stretch, we passed the Noosa Outlook shopping centre, turning right at Niblick Street, Muirfield Crescent to loop back home (and dry).

There was a great fire to warm us and keep dry under the carport as it rained on and off during the proceedings. The walkers report was given by Miss Belinda Snoggs– a great walk that was a good distance of over 5km and even had a ‘wee stop’ with Be Prepared along the way. Lech gave the runners report – he managed to stop Rocky from shortcutting and kept Recharge company on the 6.5km journey. Notable down downs were for:

• Licker – straining a butt muscle simply by reaching for a beer in the fridge
• Minder– who claimed the Shit Stirrer Toilet Seat Award (a newly created lightweight version by Ma’ Dog). He was apparently called ‘Dick Head’ and even wore a wooden whistle around his neck that resemble exactly that!
• Visitors: Smell My Finger & 5 NIL (NZ), PP1 & PP2 (Canberra), Drover’s Dog (Treadie’s Housesitter)
• Recharge– was grateful he wasn’t ‘by himself again’ on the run as he had Rocky & Lech to hold his hand
• Bedisloe Cup (win or loss depending on who you support) – Boobs represented All Blacks and Red Knob represented Wallabies. Boobs was flying the All Blacks flag on his roof – apparently it’s been 22 years since Wallabies have won (oh dear!).

The free raffle, dinner for 2 at a Thai Restaurant was won by Ride On. He was struggling to think of who to take but I think Dun Rootin’ was very keen to be taken out for dinner! Speaking of dinner, there was a huge pot of hot stew to be had next to a roaring hot firepit which almost blackened the side of the roof of the carport (this time it wasn’t Ma’ Dog’s fault, but the owner!). Thanks to our hares – Bundy and Boobs for the great trail, food and hospitality at Party Central!

On On
All Fours